Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Thursday, June 22, 2006

Hassan-A-Thon answers

I'm staring at a blank canvas. It's not that I have nothing to put here, it's just I'd rather keep certain words and phrases to myself right now seeing as they have the power of life and death. I'm not angry or feeling sorrowful about current family situations neither am I numb or in a reflectful mood, don't have to be. I'd rather use my time to answer some of the Hassan-A-Thon inquies I've recieved so far. I urge you to take advantage of this moment, I'll continue to answer any questions you throw at me with honesty and openess. It's not like I'm going to clam up or anything next week or any time thereafter, hell my life has been an open book so far. I just feel like releasing some things that I never have, and I hope you guys ask right questions so I can address a few things still hanging around in my mental, emotional and spiritual attic before I get out of here.

The point of me blogging is being in the act of theraputically releasing a lot of burden, fear and opinion into the universe. If I seem repetitive and self centered I don't apologize. I'm working on improving self. Sometimes you gotta repeat that shit in order to get yourself to believe it. Hassan is not my birth name, I changed my name to reflect the change in self. In Yoruba it translates: He who improves or makes himself better.

I'm trying so hard to make myself better, but sometimes it's like purposely banging my head on the largest rock possible, watching the blood run and ignoring the fatigue and pain. I just keep going. And after some introspection, a one sided IM convo and spending more time with family I will keep pushing thru. I was urged to make other mothafuckas work, to not just take burdens then complain about them, make folk step up and to say fuck that, if not I'll kill myself otherwise.

Advice taken.

I hear that and acknowledge the things I said/did to trigger those statements to be directed towards me (from someone I should really listen to and heed advice from) were wrong and I apologize.

On with the questions, the Hassan-A-Thon starts NOW!!!:

Stiltwalker asks:
1. How big is it(lol)
2. What's the longest you've went without bathing
3. Name three things you have recurring thoughts about but have never shared with anyone

Hassan says:
Okay, here goes...
1. Well damn. I'm glad that was the first question, this way I can get it out of the way. How can I answer this question truthfully and tastefully?
Damn sure ain't Doc J's throwback...
John Stockton's jersey... nah.
Better than Kobe's current one, which after he switches up this fall will become a throwback...
but not Mo' Cheeks either.
Got it?

2. Well I was in the Army, and we stayed out in the bush for weeks at a time, but I always warshed me arse. I can't remember a day where I haven't sprinkled the undercarriage if you know what I mean... I even carry my Perry Ellis MAN-Purse to the restroom at work/in secure public places (complete with hypo-allergenic, alcohol-free MAN-wipes, toothbrush, dental floss, beeswax, shea butter, various hair care products to keep the locs in place, Lysol wipes, blistex, my scented oils, pain relievers, injectible insulin and glucophage (I am diabetic you know), mani/pedi mini kit, nosehair trimmer, scissors (left handed, of course), mini electric moustache trimmer, toothpaste, mini packets of showergel (yes, I rob hotels), SHOUT! stain wipes, deodorant, plastic toothpicks (solid!) and batteries. For my camera that is. I used to have a mini steamer in there, but it leaked a lot. I use each of these products in some way, shape or form on the regular, trust me. I hope that's metrosexual (to the Nth degree) enough to answer your question, right?

3. - #1: How can I kill myself where it won't look like I was a coward ass bastard, pervert prick and nasty ass hermit of a fucker? Damn, I would have to clear out my hard drive, throw away my porn and amass my writings (the good shit) to make it look like I was an upstanding citizen to the investigators, landlord and family members that'll be rummaging thru my shit.

#2: "I will never get married. I will never have kids. No one loves me. I am worthless. God has forsaken me. I have no redeemable qualities. I am unnatractive. My hair is ugly. I am fat. My family only tolerates me because I am the only person stupid enough to volunteer to do shit. She has banished me to the nether regions of her emotional scale and wished I were dead. I will die penniless and without a home. Diabetes will get the best of me. I am losing my eyesight and it's because I deserve it for something stupid I did. I can't believe I love myself enough to answer this question. I should have a drink. Sprinkle a little Drano on that, will ya? Nah, fuck that, I'm here dammit, and I'm making an album just to cram my trifling, stank ass down the throats of America. I gotta show them the bastard they help create."

Wash, rinse repeat once upon waking and once before bed.

#3: There was a mute man named Minor Tate who worked as a general laborer/teacher's aide at my grammar school that on a camping trip I took with the school in the 1st grade woke me up in the middle of the night, took me to the shower area, 'bathed' me and fondled my penis. There was no other activity other than that. Weird moment, and I expressed anger about this, so he dressed me and sent me back to bed with no further incident. This is the first time I told anyone about this other than my uncle, who probably layed dude out in an alley somewhere. All I was told is that 'things were even'. The thought runs thru my head on the regular on how it didn't affect me adversely. I didn't get angry and lash out or revert to the recesses of my brain because of this. I wasn't tramatized by it, because there was a girl on my block that was already interested in playing with my manparts, and she did on occasion. For a grown man to do this was unnacceptable and I expressed that to him and he complied and sent me on my way, but I wonder about other kids he did this shit to and because it was Catholic school they thought they had no power or voice. Maybe they thought they could not control the situation or was just plain afraid. I yelled, and scolded this man and told him he was wrong, causing him to panic and let me be. I did tell my uncle and shortly after we got back Minor either quit or just didn't come back to work so I was cool, but the thought about how I turned out versus others remains...

Mz. Dee~Dee asks:
Wack A** questions huh?....
How would you get across to the people that in order to change the U.S. government, you have to take supreme measures?

Hassan Says:
Simple answer sweetheart:
Buy my album "Live From The Niggernet - The Revolutionary Mixtape" - In stores in August.

Lynn287 asks:
1.So ... what I want to know is where do you see yourself being in the next 3 years?
2.Do you think you will be on the left coast for anything other than business any time soon?
3.Do you really beleive you aren't loved?
4.Why do you think I talk to/want from you?
5.The last time you masturbated?
6.Made love?
7.Had sex?
8.The last record you purchased?
9.When was the last time you allowed someone to do something (anything)for you just because they wanted/you needed?

Hassan Says:
1. I actually don't or can't see myself in the future at all, it's hard for me to do so I just do for today. Where I hope to be is on the road touring, pushing my sophomore album "In A Hurry To Go Nowhere" and still rocking poetic pieces. I hope it's recieved well.
2. It's a possibility. I have job interviews in Atlanta and another I'm setting up in DC. I never thought of living out west but I will and have performed there. As far as just visiting, it would have to be damn special for me to trek that far and not get a paycheck.
3. Yes.
4. Commonality, mutual interest and my ability to make you laugh all the damn time. All we need is a meeting place and a bottle of wine... Want? I haven't asked myself that yet.
5. Last Year
6. April of last year
7. sometime this year
8. 'Fishscales' - Ghostface Killah
9. I can't remember, it's been a while and probably ain't happening anytime soon. I am a man of pride and that is not either protocol or policy according to the 'Hassan book of basic shit about life and other things related'. It's always been my job to do things, that will continue.

Nikki asks:
What aspect of your personality do you feel is proving to be the biggest obstacle in you achieving your goals?

Hassan Says:
Fear that I might just succeed and be pitted in the spotlight and picked apart by the very ones that elevated me in the beginning. I welcome it. I loathe it. I know that it will probably kill me so sometimes I procrastinate because I know that this is the only time I have to actually live my life. Once I put the music and literary works out to the public, I will have to work 10 times harder to support it and sell it. So I am afraid. I am afraid of success as much as I am afraid to fail. But I will still do it anyway just to lead by example because I'm tired of talking about it. I might as well do. If I crash and burn, I'll make sure to speed up and cut the wheel just to make the crash look more exciting and to get more gapers and on-lookers to stop and glance for a minute. Maybe they'll learn something from my mistakes.

Pssst, hey buddy...
Dont let the

You still have the opportunity to ask me ANYTHING, and I'll be much obliged to answer your wack-ass questions without editing or censoring myself. Operators are standing by. Be nosey and find out shit. Get the truth to what happened the night I was headed to my man Jade's crib back in 88' and got sidetracked (reportedly abducted) and never made it there. Who do I love, who do I hate and why? Do I really worship the devil, and if not, what's all that blood for? Why was I fingered as that cat on the grassy knoll back in 63? Wait, I'm older than 35? Why do I disavow all knowledge being kin to what's her name even though I was in the audience (and got acknowledged - even made a joke and got a laugh) when she sat with Oprah? Wassup with that spaceship-anal probe-white light shit? Find the link between Neuro Linguistic Programming, altered states of consciousness, Anthony Robbins and Reggie Noble's mentally challenged twin sister that lives with my cousin and her baby's daddy in the back bedroom in Newark. Find out how she picks lucky lotto numbers for old ladies and creates hood names for the young children on the block. A threesome? When? Who? Get out of here!!! Get all personal and thangs with a brother, I dare you...

I double dog dare you.

More answers later...

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