I hate yesterday... Sometimes it feels like today

I remember the first time I was aware of who I was...

It was November 1992 and I had just gotten out of the Army. I was in San Francisco because I had exited the military while stationed in Korea so Uncle Sam sent me to the Presidio to be debriefed and for out processing. That took a little time and I also knew that there was not much that could have been debriefed (my opinion) so I took a lump sum for taking the early out option and enjoyed my stay out on the left coast.

I liked Oakland better, it was like being back in Chicago in the 80's.

During my last week in Korea I was retrieving the mail for the batallion staff. My position as personnel security chief hadn't been filled. I had an office right down the hall from the full bird colonel that ran our four company batallion and for the most part I was seen and not heard processing security clearances and issuing COMSEC (COMmunications SECurity devices that recorded radio transmissions made out of carbon. They could be destroyed with water if the enemy approached. We recorded everything and kept the transmissions in a safe, and I was in charge of that as well as newly drawn maps of the Northern part of the Korean peninsula via spy satellites... Sigh, the life.) to the goofies that had no clue to what we were doing on the 26th parallel.

I found a piece of mail meant for someone that had went back to the states from DeVry so I opened it and thought hard about what I would and could do now that I was getting out. I imagined going to this three year institution and getting my degree and getting a wholesome and good job. I saw myself as a homeowner, a husband and a father having little discomfort. I linked all good thoughts to getting into this technical institute and doing well. I never gave thought to struggling when I got home.

Until I walked away from and off of Presidio's hallowed halls and base and entered San Fran and Oakland to go and play.

I had a few thousand in my pocket and Uncle Sam had given me more for unused vacation and for taking the early out. Funny how as soon as I got to the base and gave them my exit paperwork to process I got a check first before anything else. Back then, out processing the military took weeks and was a long arduous task. One had to take classes and be counseled in order to reacclimate to normal society. If someone like myself had access to anything to a secretive nature, they were debriefed. I don't want to go into explaining that process.

I like how my mother told my wife last year about the 'gaps' in my service. Yeah, even my mom knows (and Terry does too) about service gaps for certain military personnel.

The first thing I experienced as a member of the free world I helped to protect and defend was a fight from a bunch of cats that had no respect for military people. I later drank with them after they saw me wild out. This was my initial counseling and reacclimation to the world. All I wanted was a drink. So what that I had the haircut and the body type of one of those army dudes? We had just finished up a war and to a few folk at this one particular spot, I was the cause of most of the bullshit George HW Bush and Dick Cheney (who was Army chief of staff at that time) pushed to the American people. And for that I was not accepted.

I had never been rejected in public like that before but remember, we ended up having that drink.

Alcohol had never tasted like that to me before. It seemed to fill some emotional void. It spoke to me when everyone else looked at me with disdain and contempt. It became my security blanket. I had already developed a drinking problem overseas, drinking damn near a half gallon of hard liquor and maybe seven to ten beers a night during my last few months in Korea, but that was what we usually did over there anyway. I had no clue my tolerance was so high when I got back to the states. I kept drinking... All the way back to Chicago.

By the time I enrolled for school I had failed a few drug tests because when I got back to the south side, all of the cats I left there in the 80's from high school were still there, and they were smoking blunts and killing malt liquor. The time I spent in San Francisco was almost like a proving ground. Being in Oakland with a bunch of deadbeat cats that was always at the club helped me enhance my social skills through drinking. I was still in military mode, so weed smoking was out of the question.

Until I got home.

There were no jobs and no love for an unskilled black man in Chicago. There was no pride in serving one's country on the south and west sides. I was a sucker for getting my college money by joining the army and according to many, I was just a pawn. My mother has convinced me to come and live with her so I could give her my entire paycheck and watch my little brother and sister because my dad had left right as I joined the military, and there wasn't any room for me, but that didn't matter. I was just a babysitter in her eyes. One that got a GI Bill check she could spend for herself, damn me.

I slept on the couch and all of my belongings were in a locked closet still packed up for damn near a year until I had enough of that bullshit and broke out of there.

In that time I enrolled at DeVry and tried to stay focused but it was hard. All that time spent in Japan, Korea and other places for years shielded me from the booty, and I had to chase it at all costs, even though I had a girlfriend. I ended up getting a job with the phone company and was earning at least $60k in the early 90's which made me hood rich, so I rented my best friends mother's basement which gave up a place to smoke, drink and party. And that's all I did.

Something was telling me that I would never make it out of the neighborhood so celebrate as much as I can before I die.

And I did.

At the end of 1993 I was downing a twelve pack of Red Bull (the malt liquor, energy drinks did not exist), a half a pack of Newports and smoked at least 2 blunts before I would go to class. After I got the job with the phone company, I switch over to night and weekend classes and eventually stopped going because I would wait until I got off work to smoke and drink. I can't remember much of what happened those nights, I just knew that I worked for AT&T for about two years before I stopped coming to work because I was too embarrassed that I smelled like either weed smoke and/or liquor.

I got fired due to no-call/no-show. And then I got put out of the apartment when my friends mother found out I had no job.

I had a devoted girlfriend
A family
A few friends that gave a damn
A working musical relationship with a close friend... And we were recording
Add a degree in the making

And I let all of that go because I needed to stay in this 'mode'.

Alcohol made me forget and weed made time pass by. I had gained more than 250 pounds in a few years. I was also homeless and had burned a whole lot of bridges.

It was 1996 and I was damn near 400 pounds with a weed habit. I was living out of my van and couldn't find a job to save my life. I was gigging lightly with a band (if free beer counts as pay) and I was thinking about getting back into school... Something happened.

God spoke to me.

Oh don't get it twisted, I didn't get saved or anything like that. I stopped smoking weed but I kept on drinking. Right up until that whole diabetic coma episode.

That was 1998.

I was arrogant, evil and had no respect for my own life. I remember those times and I cannot erase the inate details I will never type onto these pages. I live with that and am in shear amazement that I am where I am now. There is so much more to that time in my life. There is so much I wish I never experienced but I can't turn back the hands of time. All I have is now, and now is as good as it has ever been. But it still feels like I'm climbing out of something.

I hate what I did with life back then. But sometimes those memories come back and I wish...

Never mind.

You'd like to think you're stronger now. I hope you are. I don't know if I am.

Never Again

Sometimes I quietly admonish myself when I'm rendered helpless on things.

That happened to me yesterday.

As much as I trust the one person I feel I can ever trust with everything, I also feel like I should be able to protect my wife from anything and everything with no exception. There was a business situation in which there was an error made and I could do nothing.

I felt like dying because two months into my marriage I was remanded to just standing there being rendered useless in a situation and I felt less than myself. And to top it off it was my anniversary. Dig that.

Now I know as a man there is a point where he is to leave his woman enough space for her to do her thing, I guess I haven't found the point where I'm supposed to give space.

All I could ever want in a woman lies next to me at night, and last night I just couldn't sleep right because I felt like I should have done something to save the situation, so all I could do in lying in bed was to try to find the perfect position. We writhed and wiggled and never found that perfect point. She started snoring and I pulled her close making her skin my skin. I tried my best to find the right touch, the proper stroke to soothe and settle my better half and provide enough comfort for her to find that perfect place in sleep so she could lose her troubles, but to no avail.

We both woke up this morning sore and fatigued.

As hard as I tried to rub her shoulders and caress her neck, pull her close to find that perfect spooning position, wrap myself onto her and vice versa things just didn't work out. And now I feel like I owe her more than I did yesterday.

I got up at about 2:45 in the morning went over to D Herbs and made the decision to take the total body fast and the pancreatic fast seeing as I'm supposedly diabetic, I need to purge my failures and be healthy enough to be her to raise my family and be there for her. That's all that matters, right? We made a decision in December to get a sleep number bed, and that is being purchased first as we fill our new home in a week or two. There is no way she can wake up uncomfortable again. I need to make sure her GPS and satellite radio in her vehicle works perfectly so she can never feel lost alone in this, the third largest city in the world. I still think it's unfair that I lived here first. I hate having unfair advantages over her like that. I need an even keel. I need to make sure she continues to never hear a lie from my mouth and every action directed towards her is geared for comfort and ease, I can never fail this woman. She will bear my seeds and command my home and she deserves better than what I'm doing/giving right now..

I need to do more.
I need to be more.
I need to have more.
I need to make more.

My world no longer feels big, important or just enough enough to have her in it. I'm not overwhelmed, I just need to be the man that she married and I feel that situations like yesterday slips me down a notch where I once stood, unable to do anything.

I never experienced that before. I never need to fail her or myself like that ever again. It cuts like a knife and digs in like a shovel... And it hurts, yet it's so simple.

Damn.

Snow Day

Okay, I'm snowed in somewhere near the Iowa/Illinois border.

When I get a chance... I'll blog about something.

Tuesday... Wisconsin just ain't Madison, Milwaukee and Green Bay either!

Van Glorious!

Still protected by the red, the black and the green with a key...

It's funny how you think that sometimes you're not ready for things. I really thought that I didn't want marriage because I tried so hard at various times in my life to be by myself. I mean really by myself with no one to turn to because I felt that although I wasn't in control of things that surround my life force that I had to have total control of what I could and I damn sure dismissed everyone and every thing that attempted to try to share in my shine.

I didn't hate people, I just didn't like outsiders with agendas trying to come in and assume a role that I never gave from my heart.

As I grow old (not 'older' like proper grammar and context would normally dictate) I become aware of the value of time. I know that a lot of things I've ingested literally and figuratively will most likely shorten my life no matter how much fasting (for the body/life force) and learning (for the life living/lived) I do a lot of damage has been done and I've lived longer than I actually have left to live, and I'm cool with that. What I'm totally not cool with one bit is where, who and how I used to spend my time. I now have to micro manage that shit. I eluded yesterday to how at various points in my life I was undervalued, underestimated and marginalized by folks that were supposedly close to me and by the situations I put myself in. Note that I take responsibility for said situations and being around folks that could care less for you and yours.

Now yes, I'm selfish and picky. Of course I look out for self most of the time and that came from experiencing other folks' selfishness and me gaging how selfish I needed to be in order to counter. I don't figure to be talented that much but there are those that will be in your presence only to bask in your shine and will take that hue and create their own after market version to have for themselves. Some people will hang onto you like folks listen to Obama speeches thinking that one man's idea of hope is just good enough to be nourished with and will never act on the hope of hope. Just the sound of the voice giving the speech is enough for one to be drousy and the thoughts of what could be is the elixir that actually puts them in dream land. Too bad one day they wake up old and unfulfilled.

Some folks thrust you into Oprah status, living vicariously through you ingesting your adventures as their own, leaving you on the porch waiting to tell another life event that is now reserved for dinner table theater. I've been some of these things to some people and then I noticed that I was just a thing to most, a talking, writing object to others and they never got a chance to really know me, never really knowing what makes me tick.

And then I met the woman I married (now years ago) and the one thing I noticed from the start (all the way back in 2006) that she was picking me apart, not wanting to get a piece just yet but carefully inspecting the pieces of who I was and carefully adding them to her lists of things she could tolerate, things she liked/disliked and the such just to see if she could apply them to her life. And she did this with respect. Respect to me as a person and to our situations and I liked that. She always dealt with me evenly in an emotional sense and that helped us become closer because she still had her own things going on relationship wise, allowing me to continue on my track in being Hassan, whoever he is.

Out of time spent, trials had and conversation spoken came trust, and we still had other things going on in our lives. Although we dated other people, performed other tasks and existed in other spaces the time I spent getting to know her as she did me was damn near storybook with the exception of the bullshit that was happening in our respective individual spaces. So based on what I demanded in my life I made the first move and ejected myself from my personal turmoil and found a quiet place for my mind back home. All the folks that I thought were responsible for helping me make my mind's noise from the beginning assisted me in getting to that quiet place.

And when I got home, she was there, gathering her parachute. It seemed like there was an undue influence causing her to hit the eject button as well.

And then we started spending time.
Buying plane tickets
Living off of Priceline.com
Weekends
Time became life
Weekdays
down time off the truck
Holidays
Family
Internet hate
Friends
Revelations
discussions of babies
Las Vegas

And after Vegas came the realization that I married the one person I could absolutely trust and who could possibly just be my best friend. All of that other stuf that made me not trust the good common folk of the planet disappeared.

What?

Is that why I don't put poetry on the blog anymore?

First the Fat Boys break up, now this: Hassan might just be happy, satiated even.

Imagine that.

More tomorrow.

Monday...

Man oh Manischewitz..

What weekend that was had. I'm back on the road and when I stop in Des Moines I'll tell you (somewhat) about it.

One thing: This weekend's Chris Rock show featured hip hop icons Whodini.

Damn.

That's right. A lot of folks didn't even know what was going on at the show (meaning a lot of folks who bought a ticket had no clue who Whodini was... Imagine that!) but somebody kept it really real with their material. Not even a few truthfighters could keep up with Chris.

But there was much more that happened in and around Chicago with the wife and I, and when I get a chance...

Oh, and never, never, never, ever, ever, EVER let anyone undervalue, underestimate or marginalize you.

I was at one point in my past very recently and in various situations in my life and I vow with all of my breath to never let that happen to me again. Anyone who comes against me and mine like that is worthy of death. I urge you to look at your situation and your life and do whatever it takes to not let it happen to you.

You'll be able to breathe and sleep when that happens.

Bounce...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

I want you to understand that the reason we are in this state of flux is because we are consumers and not producers, and not in a Puffy - DJ Premier sense. The reason we have nothing where we lay our heads is because we spend time putting our hard earned dollar right back into folks that take from us and never give back while other groups of people bounce their dollars many times amongst themselves before it leaves their community.

Asians, Arabs, Hispanics, Jews and whites in the United States generally spend money among themselves, "bouncing" dollars an average of six to 18 times before the money leaves the communities.

"The black dollar does not bounce, not one time in America." The only way to eradicate these problems in the black community is to help these people do what everyone else does."

Dr. Claud Anderson gave that quote. The theory of bouncing dollars has been on my mind ever since I've been reviewing transcripts of debates on both the republican and democrat candidates. One thing no one wants to talk about or take time in solving is the how and when we will ever sit at the table and attempt to come with a solution for people of African descent.

Understand that there have been bills passed into law giving other so-called minorities the rights and encumbrances fought for so that folks of African lineage could have equal opportunities. Also understand that every other so-called minority group has succeeded in creating a community in this country and black folk have not.

The initial launch of programs, bills and laws created and fought for back in the day was done to give ancestors of slaves financial equality, but so much has happened to take away that equalization through intimidation, death and all things of such an evil nature unleashed on my people that today we are only taught to purchase and consume and not to save, be conservative and make opportunity for our children through investment and production.

If former slaves got a hold of 40 acres, a mule and one hundred dollars it would be smart to assume that land would have been purchased, business stated and crops would have been harvested that would have given brown-skinned folks equity in this country. Things would have been so different.

• Schools would have materials to enhance the learning experience

• Families would have stayed together, seeing as the hustle would have not been so prevelent

• Ownership, investment and real material would have balanced opportunities for former slaves

I know I'm on a soapbox but know that I tire living in a world where people that look like me can't even pool a few dollars and get right. Latin folk bounce their dollars in their own hood 12 times before it leaves the hood. Asians... 16 times. We are the only people on the planet that have to make some sort of concession, whether it be beliefs, political affiliation or morals to others in order to be accepted and to this day, we still aren't. And the acceptance of Barack Obama by voters where there are no black people means nothing to me. Hell, everyone wants change, and Senator Obama through his candidacy and me living in his district witnessing this proves to me that he can offer such change.

When will my people have enough of a collective conscious to represent themselves as a whole people in American society? We have different views and beliefs but still feel the need to pander to others for acceptance and inclusion and we have no lobby where others do. And that is all based on the fight my ancestors made and we no longer benefit. Our people will fall into fourth class status if we don't come together and fight.

That makes me tired. I really want to move to Canada sometimes but... I don't know if Zesty and em' are ready for me. Plus I do like to fight.


Oh, and in other news... On this day 18 years ago... I got kitchen duty and was put on barracks restriction for two weeks for sneaking out of charge of quarters duty to see Mike Tyson get knocked the eff out by Buster Douglas in Japan. I had the time of my life going AWOL and sneaking off the base, but I did get caught by my platoon seargent on my way back to the base. It seems that we like the same sports bars and strip clubs when it comes to watching big money prize fights.

Damn, I'm old.

Seems like yesterday.

I didn't feel undervalued, underestimated or marginalized back then.

Ramble Young Man, Ramble...

You know, I'm getting a kick out of being away from the blog. My time has never been this occupied, and not how you think.

Marriage definitely has its challenges but I'm up to it. As much as I travel in and outside of my job catching up and making time for each other is a challenge and an adventure all in itself. We did get a chance to spend a few days in Oklahoma with the fam and that was cool in itself. We need to get a day planner in order to get time in to see everyone. I think my other half ended up a little disappointed because she didn't get to see a few folks, but we go back very soon. We're planning an event there and we gotta oversee the happenings and goings on.

I've actually been busy mining the deep recesses of my mind on a few creative projects and also making faces at the tv and monitors trying to understand my people, and then I stopped.

Why did my other half's grandmother ask if we were really married like we've been keeping this up at this marathon pace?

Nah, I'm still working on those creative things, I have given up attempting to understand the lost tribe of Shabazz. Whatever.

I have a lot of residual hate in my heart that I cannot rid myself of. At one point in my past I wanted to harm someone for putting me back under the government's (nee IRS) watchful eye. I struggled in my job last year because I couldn't get the security clearance needed to be in certain places which affected my job status and my paycheck. Shortly before the new year, I shook off the report my employer had on me from folk that I actually used for character references and got my clearance and now things are running much smoother seeing as I opted to be a 1099 cat which means they could make me disappear and hire someone direct in my place. I earned their trust, didn't create any incidents or have any accidents and or create moments that would cause them to deny me access to federal properties and databases like this person said I would do. And I got a raise in contractor pay. And a safety bonus. Kind of makes up for last year I guess, but I still wanna hurt folks every now and then because of that. I thank my brother and best friend from stopping me from doing dumb shit. I wouldn't be here now...

Having money don't mean a thing if I can be where I want to be, and that's home. I keep going there but being based out of Chicago (still) means I gotta get off the couch and go to the airport to drive my rig out of the midwest when I live out west. That sucks because contact and conversation ain't the same y'all and that causes tension both emotional and sexual.

Imagine what home time for me is like...

Yep.

And then we forget to take care of the business of bills and such that we had to play catch up with faxing, signing and taking care of stuff that needed to be paid to keep the partnership manageable. We gotta merge the cell phone/home phone/internet/wireless card thing to the point where one person gets our money.

Oh, and cordless phones are getting shittier...

My dad needs a new stint put in and now he's acting all old and needy. Dude is 58 and has a 36 year old wife. Once he gets re-wired, I'm telling him about himself and then siccing my peer of a step-mom on his ass. That should calm him down and get him back to normal. I cant have my pops acting like Grandpa Simpson all willy-nilly.

I haven't forgotten about the 'Hassan Nigger Wake-Up Call' posts. Just because I've been busy doesn't mean that I won't challenge you and provoke thought about our current status and our place right here, right now. I've noticed listening to radio talk shows, television and from last Tuesday that we collectively are one big mass of uninformed, mis-educated folk hellbent on being the first generation of black folk that won't leave anything for the next. To me, that is considered inappropriate behavior and next week I'll drop a few gems and ask a few questions that I feel need to be asked. I cannot be the only cat out there with so much in front of me and no one else notices that info, opportunity and freedom exists.

If Hillary cannot manage campaign funds and we're living in a deficit...
If the gub'ment raises conventional loan maxes to over 700k...
If illegal immigrants cannot vote then why is Barack pandering licences...
If congress is interrogating Roger Clements and the New England Patriots then who's...
Who has time to compose a 6 page email (and then who has time to re-edit it) and send it to hundreds of CHURCHFOLK outing men they think are gay (including children)...
If Vick got 23 months, the Jena cats almost got 15 then how did them WV kids get 10...


Whatever man... I'm rambling about nothing I guess

Yes We Can...

If you don't think we can then just sit and watch.

I don't care if you get a chance to get two votes in for Mitt Romney, get that ass up tomorrow and let your voice be heard.

It does matter.

Other than that, you have no reason to complain.

Okay, I'm Up...

I really don't have much to say.

There are a lot of things going on right up under your nose. No need to travel or go abroad to find problems, they're right here. I'm sure you either commute or drive right by something that irks the shit outta you. Try to fix that, I'll come back and complain when my utopia bubble bursts soon.

Probably wont. Why?

Things are comfortable and easy for me right now. I am happy right at this moment. I haven't been this content in more than a year and a half and I'm enjoying how things are going down. That takes away from my desire to blog. In my mind, ain't nothing much to say, with all of the shucking and jiving going on from Detroit to California I'm sure you have enough entertainment.


Don't worry bout' me.

Find something to get into this Black History Month, I'll be around, doing stuff.

Oh hell naw... Wait.

In the words of Joe Madison: Never let anyone undervalue, underestimate or marginalize you.

If this is the first day of Black History Month, then it is my duty to give you your nigger wake up call.

Now I don't know exactly what is going on in your hood, but as much as I travel and keep up on things I'm seeing a pattern:

you are comfortable, and you think they don't give a damn, but they do

They're going to let you sit and gain nothing while you become a third class citizen. Since the beginning of the slave trade, this nation was set up for folks that do not look like you to prosper off of your back and for the most part, it has worked. Wealth from the sweat of slaves to the ignorant that consume very unnecessary items in the spirit of keeping it real has us for the most part struggling just to get by in America today.

From the damn near 800 billion dollars we spend all the way down to how you are perceived in this current political climate, no one takes you seriously, and why should they? Just because things seem easier as you sit in your cubicle with all of this wonderful technology think about this: Black folk in America would be the 9th largest nation based on their populous, education and money spent if they were actually a community.

That's right I said it, we are not a community.

The reason our unemployment is high, income is lower and crime is rampant is because we have never banned together as a community. Don't blame illegal immigrants from south of the border for taking our jobs... Corporate America would have never lowered the wage standard and gave folks cheap labor positions if there were precedent set. And most of that work is unskilled labor that black folk didn't want in the first place because most folks thought that working with one's hands were beneath them.

How if our unemployment rate has been the same for damn near 20 years have immigrants came to compete with and now have surpassed us as second class citizens in the eyes of those with the big money?

We have been conditioned to fail and most of us get comfortable in that failure.

A portion of that whole Willie Lynch Syndrome was for black folk to be conditioned to protect the interest of the powers that be, rat out those that threaten said powers and be willing to adapt to the power's standards, which was foreign to their own. From speaking the language to worship to relaxing one's hair, we seem to aspire to be like them in so many ways that we have forgotten how to be ourselves. That's why it's so easy for a lot of us to Tom out on other black folks like what you see on cable news these days. I don' t have to agree with you and I can support someone else, that doesn't give you the right to clown me in front of the others.

See, we have no community.

Think about the Mexican immigrant that the damn near guaranteed work promised when he or she crosses the border. Think about the network that gets them here and houses them. Think about the individuals planted and blatantly hired by the big companies that get them to the factories and farms and such. Think about the banks and financial institutions that hold this money for future use. Think about the neighborhoods, the shops, stores boutiques and bodegas where that money is spent and how it circulates just within that community. Think about how an American bank only sees that money when real property or business finance is sought.

Now think about your hood.

If you are black and have a little cheddar, think about the integrated villages in which you live. If you are still struggling, think about the hood. Now look at all of the Chinese and Mexican restaurants, the Greek gyros spots, the Sikh and Middle Eastern owned spots and then ask yourself where they go home to when they close up.

Korea-town
Chinatown
Greek Town
Little Italy
Little Mexico

You get the point. Viable, thriving communities where their dollar circulates, folks have each other's backs and all consumerism for the most part begins and ends there. There are doctors, lawyers and insurance agents that hook them up. Everything they need from schools to daycare is all in that community. And the kicker... They keep the secrets locked up by using their native language and there is pride and inclusiveness in being who they are.

They come tired and poor, ban together, feed each other and fix them up, house one another and keep the money right there with all of the rest speaking their secret code language that we cannot decipher. They are not competing with us, they have moved right past us and you just lay there, watching and wondering.

Now ask yourself where the soul food joint is in their neighborhood? Why isn't there a black nail or barber shop over there but there is one of theirs all up and through yours.

Because black folk either leave for a mixed income spot to get away from the noise and crime of the neighborhood or stay 'trapped' in the hood .

Us = neighborhood
Them = community

And now more than ever we are more separate. From each other.

You as a so-called African American have been underestimated, undervalued and marginalized by everyone else and you are comfortable in selling out your culture. By not bringing the dollar home and partaking in starting and/or supporting our own business, by not owning real estate, by perpetrating violence and hatred against one another through hip hop and not embracing the tools industrial, agricultural, financial or educational we embrace racism inadvertently and institutionalized.

By not establishing an identity, embracing communal living and industry and not recycling our dollars with our own we well never have a community. By not embracing our cousins in Africa and adapting a sense of ethnic pride and continuing to buffoon for the benefit of others, even if one is clocking mad, doo doo dollars not bring that money home sells them to the highest bidder.

We'll never learn from Black History Month. We haven't. I heard a kid on a radio call in show last week telling the listeners that all he ever knew of Martin King was what he read in a book and it was about two paragraphs long. He had his masters. He wanted to state that him along with others are tired of hearing about this 'King guy' and really didn't know why he was held on a pedestal. He cited Barack Obama as a 'real hero' and mentioned that we need to see the world for what it is today instead of living in this vacuum from 40 years ago. In a sense he is right, but he is oh so wrong. We need to get with the program in the present and make change based on today. I was glad his bubble got burst when the talk show host informed him that his hero in Senator Obama presidential candidate, brown skinned, educated and born to lead is a manifestation of Dr. King's dream and wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for work put in back in the day.

We got barely a month to learn about the accomplishments and achievements of those that did what they could to make change and help us advance. What will you take from these next 4 and a half weeks to help play our part?

Or will you continue to be comfortable being undervalued, underestimated and marginalized?

Dear Democrats, Burn In Hell...

I'm calling Howard Dean out.

As chairman of the Democratic National Party, it should be YOU that acts as an adult in your party and not John Edwards.

I'm also calling Harold E. Ford Jr. out.

If you don't know who he is, he is the chair of the Democratic Leadership Council. No way on my watch, seeing as Bill and Hillary (yes, in that order) are members of said council would I let that BS happen like it did Monday night.

To give the Republican Party audio and video clips to use against the Democratic nominee this fall is ludicrous. To have members of the party quipping at each other about personal issues and not laying out an agenda is utter bullshit. To have them do it in front of the world is unacceptable. Some young leader you turned out to be.

These two gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) are AWOL.

I also an officially ashamed of the Congressional Black Caucus.

In 2000, there was a democratic debate at the Apollo theater that had Bernard Shaw as host and moderator and all of the questions came from the audience. Real questions about real issues, not that nonsense that was asked Monday night. It is unnecessary to say who those people were. Thanks for sponsoring a total waste of my time. Thanks for letting CNN ask all of the 'hard' questions (Clinton, a black president? Negroes please!). Thanks for not pushing for a single brown journalist to be on the panel.

You people are dead to me.

I also want to thank William Jefferson Clinton who I am assigning the title 'Modern Day Willie Lynch' for snoozing on Martin III at Ebinezer Baptist. I would also like to remind you that you cannot have a third term, so take a break and let your wife, the candidate come on talk shows and defend her position.

You also thought that since Barack dips in and out of black America on this talk show and that one, reminding us that he's black enough but has to get other votes as well that you could draw out his niggerdom membership card by making this thing personal. If he keeps having to defend himself he will never get to unravel his agenda as well as showing his 'black hand side' in getting indignant, thus making him a 'black candidate'. Americans want an agent for change, not a 'black candidate' and you know that. By making Barack defend his blackness, you push him against all them young, white folk that can barely relate pushing them independent and taking them away from Barack's, confusing their vote.

Smart.

Also tell your wife to mask her hateful eye contact and body language better. The fact that a black man is in the way of your wife's supposed birthright does not give you or her license to act like high school sophomores. I thought you were better than that.

Shame on you John Edwards.

You told Hillary and Barack that because she is a woman and because he is black they have no chance in rual America to gain enough trust to get votes seeing as you're the right white man for the job. So much for change in America, huh?

I still haven't decided to cast my vote but I can bet you one thing, if Hillary gets the nomination a Republican will hold the White House. If Barack gets the nomination, it will be a nasty general election where America will choose sides. If Edwards gets it, he becomes slicker than Slick Willie ever was.

Welcome to Decision 08'. Slimier than ever, and no one is taking responsibility for anything.

Lord help us.

Oh, and one more thing...

To use the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s name, likeness, dream or spirit in partisan politics should be damning in the eyes of God.

That's right, God damn you all for doing such a thing.

He lived a life of service to the community... For all of us and was murdered for what he thought of, accomplished and was fighting to accomplish. To even go near the political arena and use him to further your own acquisition for power should damn you to hell. Some of you are habitual line steppers and need to get checked post haste. There are better and more effective ways to politic to the people. Learn from the old school and get your act together dammit.

Some of us will not let this fly, I am one of them. You need MY vote to get there and I ain't no whore. No political party will pimp me or my people and shuck and jive on a world stage just to get a seat in the oval office.

Grown folks should act like grown ups. I'm starting to hate all of you.

Weekend Homework Assignment #617

Okay, More like 17...

Looking at my logs in the past week and some change I've been to Chicago, Cincinnati, Lima and Columbus, OH, Indianapolis, Hebron and Bloomington, IN, Detroit, MI, San Francisco, CA, Medford and Portland Oregon and Green Bay WI.

I forgot French Lick, IN (niiice casino), Louisville and Lexington, KY. Warmer weather and good food does that to ya.

I am tired, but I cannot stop. The movement moves on and so will I. With memory foam insoles.

Tomorrow I head to one of my favorite spots in the world, Atlanta, GA to rep the Chicago contingent, bump heads with the FTP Movement, press the flesh with the ATL brothers and sisters of the Hip Hop Caucus, hear the wisdom of Various members of the SCLC, attend the Sunday premier of Brave New Films' newest documentary in the 'The War On Greed' series and get down and dirty on its subject matter with various pundits and brown bloggers. I will close my nationally celebrated holiday out Monday at the King center paying tribute to a man and his wife who gave their lives so that I have the freedom to do exactly what I do. Travel, politic and blog about it.

I am truly honored and blessed that I do what I do. I am also thankful to the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. , his wife Coretta, his sons and daughters and others for fighting and continuing to fight. I am also thankful to my wife for letting me roam the earth like Kane from Kung-Fu. Get your shoes woman... Next time you come with and see for yourself.

I planned on getting deep with the subject of non-urban dictates and how you spend your money but that can wait until next week. When Nichole Wicks from Brave New Films (Peace sis! guest blogging opportunity coming soon) hit me up last week and informed me of the premier, I knew that striking out against private equity firms and informing y'all was the thing to do at this time that we pay tribute to Dr. King who 40 years ago was attending and speaking to folks in Memphis about labor and equality and was observing and attempting to mediate a garbage worker's strike. Dr. King spoke many a time on how a fair paycheck for a honest day's work was necessary for both the betterment of our community and our sanity.

No way we can continue to work so damn hard when we get nothing in return.

And plus, I know someone dear to me who works for a private equity firm. You know what they do, right? If not, do some homework this weekend and find out if marginalization and streamlining is right for your employer and think about the outcome and benefits. Who does it benefit and how will you deal with its outcome?

There is a film clip of the documentary and a press release that tells a part of what I'll be doing this weekend. I hope you are doing something just as constructive this weekend, and if you're in the area... I'll be watching the Jones/Trinidad fight someplace special Saturday night.

I hope y'all find me...

From Robert Greenwald’s Brave New Films: Black American Workers to Private Equity Firms & Henry Kravis - Greed is Not Good

(Atlanta, GA) – From the producers of Walmart: the High Cost of Low Prices and OutFoxed, in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., filmmaker Robert Greenwald’s Brave New Films will escalate his media campaign against the leveraged buyout industry with the premiere of a new short documentary video with a message for the presidential candidates. Partnering with the Hip-Hop Caucus and the Service Employees International Union, along with community leaders and members will gather on the eve of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. National Holiday, Sunday, January 20^th, at Rev. Timothy McDonald’s 1^st Iconium Baptist Church at 2pm EST. This screening will serve as a first of a series of community actions that are expected to place economic injustice on the presidential candidate’s radar. Prominent African-American Leaders, including Dr. Steele from the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, Rev. Yearwood, and various Atlanta City Council members, will be present.

A strong advocate of economic justice, Dr. King was a proponent of workers’ rights, especially as it relates to racial economic justice. With the ever-increasing global economy many Black American workers are being impoverished as a direct result of corporate buy-outs and in particular, the corporate dealings of Henry Kravis’ KKR and other Private Equity Firms. Our War on Greed series illustrates the severe economic disparities of the concentrated wealth and power in so few hands while so many Black workers struggle to pay a mortgage, student loans, medical costs, and even basics necessities like groceries and toiletries. The film also addresses the fact that some worker unions have become obsolete in the face of this international greed.

“One guy needed a couple of days off because his mom was on her deathbed or his mom was gonna die… They (company representative) asked, “Is she dead yet? If not, get back to work!”

In addition, Brave New Films has also partnered some of the most influential Black bloggers and opinion-leaders in an attempt to invite presidential hopefuls to the premiere and pressure candidates into pledging to address the tax loop-hole that so many wealthy corporate CEO’s like Henry Kravis enjoy. Presidential candidates and their advisors have been invited to this screening.

Finally, to address the issue of some presidential candidates taking the Black VOTE for granted, through this film and a series of other community actions we are hoping to engage black community members and policy makers, as well as presidential candidates in a dialogue that will benefit Black workers.

ABOUT BRAVE NEW FILMS

Robert Greenwald’s Brave New Films (BNF) is committed to being at the forefront in creating a just America. Using cutting-edge new internet video campaigns, Brave New Films has created a quick-strike capability that challenges corporate media with the truth and empowers political action nationwide. BNF has garnered significant media and political attention from the likes of CNN, MSNBC, the Tom Joyner Morning Show and the New York Times. Our organization has continued contact with major political candidates because we’ve often captured the ‘pulse’ of the social and economic tone of the American people and their attention with our videos garnering over 10 million hits. Our most recent video: FOX Attacks Obama Staffer reached over 300,000 hits in 24 hours.

Day Off? What Day Off?

Hey y'all...

I got something today, it's just I'm just getting up, it's my day off and I'm not used to the Pacific time zone yet. Well my sleep pattern is.

And I gotta drop the wife off at work
And get groceries
And some lactose free milk that I can tolerate with my morning cereal
And think about what I'm making for dinner
And make time to have lunch with my other half
And call my mom on her lunch break to get names and addresses for the reception thingee
And do my paperwork for submission when I get back to work on Wednesday
And load the dishwasher
And get the trash out before...
And get the pix off my camera's card using my new card reader (thanks Queen)
And get over to the UPS Store
And Harry and David
And get a new cell phone and change the plan to include more minutes and data
And pick wifey up from work
And get them RedBox movies back from this weekend
And get the oil changed
And follow up on the extended service plan call made to fix the dryer
And make a few phone calls about my Atlanta trip next week

okay, okay... then I'll blog.


Damn, being married adds more responsibility to my agenda. And it's my day off. I promise I'll be speaking to you about non-urban dictates, the importance of voting and Barack's new economic stimulus plan soon. I'm sure you're already up on these things anyway, but...

I did my homework this weekend between playoff football, laying around the house and hanging out at the mall making new friends in the business. You did yours too, right?

Not Black Enough

I've never been this busy before.

I'm chugging along the highways and byways of America safely, enjoying the warmer weather. When you operate a rig like I do, you want to consume fuel in smaller amounts meaning more straight aways, less torque when climbing hills, and you don't want to idle your engine if you don't have to. I spend around $1300 a week for diesel and I'm getting about 7 miles to the gallon. That's pretty good, trust me.

A couple of days ago, I had to blow up and redo my current reception ceremony configuration because it started to get away from me. I refuse to sit and watch our ceremony become someone else's creation and not even be included in the organizational process. I don't know what it is about folks wanting to dictate to you what you want, it just ain't happening around here. My other half and I have a vision already agreed upon on what the reception should be and that's what we're having, nuff said.

Senator Barack Obama probably will win the Democratic nomination for president. He's done everything to convince a racially divided America to look beyond race and see him as not just a candidate but a competent one. Sad thing is, he might lose in the general election to whomever the Republican candidate will be because some of his own folk are hating on him.

It ain't white folks that have scrutinized Senator Obama to death, it has been black folk. I think most of you know that the Senator reps my district in DC (yes, I help put him in the senate with my vote and physical support here in the Chi). We attend the same church (well, when there's no cover) and stomp the same ground when it's time to eat, drink and be seen. I don't know him personally, but other than the time I spent in Texas and certain times from 2005 to now when I was on the road, I have first hand knowledge of his work. This cat has his hood pass and has put his ass on the line for the good folk here and got a ton of things done on the city, state and national levels. For us. All I ask it that you look at his service record from the time he was at the law firm to the times we put him in office at the state, then federal level.

Although I haven't made up my mind on who I'll cast my vote for in the general election (hint) I never gave thought to the stuff I'm hearing out of the hood that Barack Obama ain't black enough. It ain't that hard finding folks from Chicago that have benefited from bills, laws and programs established, passed and created by the Obama camp. What angers me is that a lot of folks haven't even tried to do the simplest in research but have an opinion on his qualifications.

I might not even vote for the cat but at least I got his stats. And if I didn't live here I would have at least hollered at family, frat, associates, looked at his MySpage joint, accessed his official Senate page, watched a few You Tube joints. Put his name in CNN.com or the Washington Post archives or some newspaper(s) to at least see if there were articles and editorial written on him. I would have listened to Warren Ballentine, Al Sharpton, Michael Basden, Steve Harvey, Tom Joyner, Wendy Williams or someone to see if he came on their respective shows and gave info, lip service or whatever, but that's just me. I like to know who candidates are that'll rep for me to the rest of the world. It is my life and I live here, might as well get to know who the keyholders might be.

To write this cat off and say he ain't black enough is straight ignorant. Scuse' my French, but who the eff are YOU to determine who is anyway? Funny, but I even hear cats talking bout him winning the whole thing just to get shot because America has it planned that way. I guess whether you like him or not, voting for him or others Barack Hussein Obama will never be black enough for you. Like you counted all of the white folk in your lineage and found none, or your service record of acts performed for people he ain't blood related to is better than his.

Remember something. We only make up 11 or 12 percent of this populous and no one is running for the presidency of Black America. JFK was younger than Barack with less experience. G.W. Bush had less experience than that. Clinton never dibbled in foreign policy, but Barack is the current mediator to end Kenyan violence (his daddy IS from there). So I guess what I'm asking is who is black enough?

America ain't voting for some Newport smoking dude with a wave cap and a few baby mommas. They ain't voting for Nat X either. Here is a responsible family man, educated and versed in grass roots politics that wants a shot at running this country.

Bunches of white folks have selected him to lead them out of the rut started by other white folks. And there are viable white candidates out there. What make you so damn special that you can't even give this dude consideration because you don't know? It'll be sad to see him get the nomination and lose because black folk hated on him. I wonder when another cat like this will come around. It ain't like we had one like this before. Even Jesse and Rev Al will tell you that.

You don't have to vote for him, but at least find out if ANYONE is worth your vote.

1 866 my vote 1 - some of us don't have much time to register.

Tip:
Register for the primaries under whatever party you want and then RE-REGISTER as an independent for the general election. Make these cats work harder to get your vote. If you stay with the party for the general election, the candidate will not campaign to you, he or she is already depending on your vote. But if you're independent... Someone has to swing you over, which means more info to help you make an informed decision.

Damn, I'm long winded...

What the Fcuk is a Caucus and No, You Can't Use it to Seal Your Shower Tile

The political process in America is simple.

They express what they can do, we investigate and then we act based on facts, service record and action.

There is a caucus today.

Iowa is smaller than most states, and there are few minorities living there. We must be observant with this evening's process. There is a HUGE difference between a caucus and an election. With a caucus:

• They gather (around 6pm central tonight I believe) And discuss each candidate.
• Arguments are made for each candidate. Spirited ones, so this should be good.
• If a candidate does not get 15% support, he/she is dropped from discussion.
• After the lower tier candidates are dropped, reshuffling of top tier ones occur.
• The REAL arguments begin and some folk will change their stance (via group vote)
• Final arguments are had, then (about 200,000 from what I believe) there is a final vote.
• The votes are hand counted, and a winner is declared.

Now see, that's some serious Parliament-type old school stuff right there. I hope us folk in the brown blogosphere are aware because my state and others just have straight elections. At lease the good folk in Iowa get down with it.

I hope that folks take this electoral process seriously and remember that the American political process is one that requires active participation from both sides. The politician isn't the only one who is required to put in work. We have an unalienable right to question folk on their shit and I hope we do so. We also have what's called required rights to question, investigate, veto, impeach and form a militia when things aren't going our way because we are constituents. Don't ever forget that.

Our last president did not have the required electoral votes or popular vote to be qualified to hold office and the supreme court appointed him amidst election nigh chaos.

And we sat there and watched.

The wife and I saw Katt Williams in concert over the weekend and brother man was calling Bush an idiot. I love and respect Katt and all of y'all but I must say that we are the idiots because we sat there and did nothing when we could have been just as scandalous as the various administrations over the years. Note that I said administrations instead of G. Dubya. All he did was delegate authority, took credit and give most of his people work during his two terms. One man (or woman) can't fuck all of this up.

Especially when 30 million registered voters with unalienable rights are watching.

It makes no sense to me how someone could sit there and watch and complain and never question his or her senator or congressman. Some of these cats have been in office for years, so how does the previous administrations get away with anything when congress outnumbers the executive branch and can strike down a veto with a two thirds vote?

We don't hold any one's foot to the fire. From precinct captians to the supreme court if a person made a phone call, wrote a letter, marched, got on TV or used this incredible medium called the intetrnet to do some work and not spread rumors, lies and gossip, we would be free in some respects.

Pakistani folk can't vote like this - Candidates get shot an blown up.
Over 2000 Kenyans came to a church and killed more than 400 folks because of an election.
Our current administration refused to intervene with oil prices by releasing reserves, keeping it near $100 a barrel instead of down near $60. Would have meant gas going near $2. Remember a fill-up under 40 bux??

Funny how text messages in 2007 surpassed emails and telephone calls as the preferred method of communication in the US. Funny how I got more hits with my post on an anonymous blogger than any post I've had in the past couple of months. The internet, viral videos, texting and chat could be used to get that next revolution off the ground, but...

I'm sure we have better things to do than to watch or pay attention to a caucus. From Iowa. With limited brown skinned participation.

If the reincarnation of Adolph Hitler gets in this November, remember... No participation, no complaining.

You have been warned.

Now, back to trifling bullshit, internet scandal and pics of stuff you would never hang on your cubicle walls.

Seacrest, out.

Anonymous Commenting On How I Should Conduct My Business

I try not to get into 'firsts of the year' but...

Sigh.

I have to address something.

I would have kept the a comment on my blog (regardless of what it said) but it came from an anonymous source. Although I have 3 pieces of tracking software attached to my blog and it identifies the IP address, city, state, internet service provider, time, date, URL of the site clicked through to get to my blog and what URL they clicked out on as well as what email client they were signed into (yeah, seriously), blah, blah, blah... The person still went thru the trouble of leaving an anonymous comment.

I'll go out on a limb and say at least I know about you. Hell, I might be wrong in who I think you are. Nobody's perfect, and I know I'm not, but you already know that. From the amount of pages and certain posts read from my archive, you seem to know me better than folks that stop by here on the regular. For that, I thank you. I like folks that do their research.

To be honest, I would have responded to your comment about my wife in the positive in regards of the info you provided me with.

That's right, I said it. Now I'm not calling my wife the vile names and think of her in the negative, but we already knew of her discretion because she blogged about it. I was also a friend during that whole time and I already knew because that business was already out in the street and if you think of her negatively because of her actions then judge me too. I ain't no saint my damn self.

Hell, I was just in Texas last year in the company of a woman who was a friend for longer than I dated my wife, but... Since you read damn near her entire blog as well as mine you would have known that we've known each other for a year and a half and then we dated. I made a choice to make the quality of my life better by leaving Texas and coming back to Chicago where we got together damn near immediately.

She was here, I was too. We vibed from day one back in the day, but we were with other people doing whatever we were doing before we became exclusive. But you knew that. We blogged about it. You read it. And repeated it. So I guess that's considered old news, huh?

Ask that sister in Texas about my ass. I'm the most trifling son of a bitch on the planet (who owes her money AND rejected her advances) if she tells you, so what does that make me? It makes me human. But I'm not afraid to put that out there because I'll never run from my past.

But then again you spent time reading the post from this time last year when I told of the time I was sexually assaulted. Good post, huh? You probably like the fact that I was touched and I told about it. It makes me a strong black man who overcame a serious indiscretion to get on with his life.

Nah, I'm just another kid from some nameless, faceless poor neighborhood in a large American city that still enjoys life regardless of what happens. I still have breath in my lungs so I really try to find all the good shit so I can take advantage of what time I have left not just to get thru but to enjoy it before my number gets called.

If she blogged about her past affairs then imagine what I know? Imagine what she told me and imagine what I heard from others during the time I courted her.

And I still found enough positives in her to love her unconditionally and to make her my wife. I guess either misery loves company or birds of a feather flock together, huh? I am not Christian, nor am I Muslim or Hebrew but I grew up in that environment and respect the writings and teachings as sacred. I wish I could afford the cover charge, I'd go to church...

I guess Jesus ain't shit for hanging out with that whore and them drunks, travelling the countryside perpetrating that lie about who his real daddy was while hustling gullible folk with cheap parlor tricks and the power of suggestion, huh? I ain't nowhere near Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Gandhi, Ronald Reagan, Oprah, 50 Cent or the like, but who am I to judge who's worthy? Who am I to forgive or not based on what I experienced? You have a right to say whatever you want, but who are you to do so and not even have the nerve to put your name behind your comments?

So if my decision was so bad, or if you felt that I was kept hidden from folks so I couldn't learn the truth I feel bad that you feel that way. Really, I do. I was told, counseled, warned, and preached to and so on and so forth and I know as much as a man could know to make the ginormous decision to choose this woman to spend the rest of my life with.

And I'm happy and satisfied with my decision, thank you.

If you have a suggestion for my, then step up into the light and tell me who my soul mate should be. I am always open to dialogue with you. Who ever 'you' are. We don't hide around here, we just do us. Because we have lives beyond then internet (check my frequent flyer miles since July) sometimes we make choices to just enjoy life wherever we are and don't feel the need to report shit to the internet. When you sign my check (oh shit, I'm an independent contractor, so you can't!) and pay our mortgage then I'll feel the need to get your approval on who I do and where we do it. Until then, all I ask is for you to come into the light and use your name.

It's then that your comment can stay.

And for those that want to know what the comment was... You probably know by now. Hell, I just blogged ad nausem about it.

Last Post of 2007?

Seems fitting that since this is the last weekend I spend in Chicago I spend time this morning blogging about it.

In the last few months, I've been back and forth between my new home and what is to be my old one, not on the sly but at the time it is what one does when setting up shop in new digs. I think a lot of folk in the brown blogosphere thought maybe the wife and I were keeping secrets since the summer but no, we were just handling our business doing what we had to in getting things right to spend our lives together in harmony. We just didn't want to tell you. Shocked some, others had already figured things out. Good.

You don't have to know everything, do you?

Thought not.

Less talk and more action is something I've adopted recently. It really seems to work very well when trying to accomplish stuff, but I feel like talking today. You with me?

Good. Here goes...

My thanks goes out to all of those sending congratulations and well wishes our way. I really appreciate words from all of the online family both close and distant, and a mad shout goes out to all of those making the trip over here for the first time this week to check out the dude Diva digs... Since you all up in the medicine cabinet, I hope you wipe thoroughly, wash your hands and come back and exchange dialogue many more times in the future cause I'll still be here.

What, with change you thought I was leaving?

Speaking of change, in less than a week, the good folks over in Iowa will go to the polls and tell us what they think about the current crop of folk vying for that small opening in the oval office in DC. As thinking people with freedom of choice and the ability to vote we should be watching this one closely.

Not one candidate has publicly addressed the plight of a very important 12% American populous. I haven't heard anything involving interventions to stop police abuse, unfair sentencing by the criminal justice system, respect to communities that contribute to the economy but are hit with neglect in facilities and services vital to the survival of a constituent base, predatory lenders taking advantage of hard working Americans who can't afford the American dream and so on. But what specifically about:

There is the woman in West Virginia who was raped and tortured for days with barely any national coverage. They called her the N word but as of this writing, they still had not confirmed they are treating this as a hate crime.

We all know the young groom in NYC who was murdered by the NYPD on the eve of his wedding.

There is the teenage girl in Texas who was sentenced to jail time for an altercation with a school official.

The teenage girl who was sprayed with mace for missing curfew. You can see her in the video restrained by a police officer twice her size. She was in handcuffs when she was sprayed.

The California girl who had her arm broken by a school security official when she refused to pick up a piece of cake from the floor filmed by a school mate and is all over You Tube.

The young man in Georgia who was sentenced to 10 years in prison for having consensual sex with a young girl. He was 17, she was 15.

The young brother in Florida who died in the custody of the state when he was admitted to their boot camp. They said he died of sickle cell but couldn’t explain his battered body.


The assassination of Prime Minister Bhutto needs explanation and needs an American politician to make a statement of admonishment/support on the behalf of the millions of Pakistani residents of this country. What exactly are these candidates speaking about and who exactly do they represent? Why are you not paying better attention to this? Is the Chis Stokes/Raz B situation that damn important to you or are you just that easily distracted?

Homes are being lost by folks that are above the poverty level.
Fuel costs are soaring, and that includes natural gas.
There is a grain shortage looming in the next few years.
Takes haven't been adjusted to balance for the working poor.
Gentrification looms in Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, Louisiana, California and New York, places where there are high concentrations of... Brown folk.
Our foreign policy sucks...

Wait, it's New Years weekend. You don't wanna hear this shit! All you wanna do is:

get a little tail... and

drink with your dogs

(I just had to use a couple of Vegas shots from this past week!)

As a 'professional driver' I urge you to get a cab or utilize the nerdy, non-drinking cat with no date as a designated driver this weekend and Monday night. I'll be counting on you all to be aware and use good judgement in getting through to 2008.

We got some work to do. I think I said enough.

Hotep.

Honeymoon In Vegas

Well, I made it back.

Okay, I actually went to work today, albeit straight from the airport and it was a half day for me so it ain't like I'm just getting back. Plus by the time I post this, it'll be Thursday morning. I'm late... Sue me.

Las Vegas was the place for holiday this year, and although temperatures ranged from the mid fifties down to about thirty eight degrees, my other half and I had a ball. Getting out of the airport was a somewhat hard task, but seeing the strip from the plane Saturday as I landed put my soul at ease. My other half and I took separate flights and she had already gotten a b-line on our joint at the Luxor.

We decided on a spa suite that came with a hot tub I put to use for these aching bones every day we were there except for our last. I swear on all that is sacred we are putting a soft tub at the rest in 2008. With all the walking we did all up and through the strip and thangs, I really needed to chillax in the hot tub when we did.

There's also a great story behind the hot tub in our suite and how my other half received the ring I hinted at in an earlier post but I'll save that for another day, you actually might hear of it somewhere else in the blogosphere... Who knows?

Anyway. We had a ball in Vegas... We gambled somewhat and lost a bit, won a little. It really wasn't the focus of our stay. We ate well and discovered that Old Vegas whoops New Vegas' ass when it comes to food and circuses. It was my other half's first Vegas visit and I attempted to bestow her all things I knew of sin city, but so much has changed since my last visit. Of course construction changes a lot but all the basic stuff I knew came in somewhat handy.

Thank the lord for the monorail. We made the walk from Freemont Street to the Stratosphere Monday evening and I tell you... Somebody needs to hook that up a little faster. In the words of Rhonda Deane from the movie 'White Men Can't Jump': "There ain't no vista and there damn sure ain't no view..." when it comes to Las Vegas Boulevard from Freemont to Charleston streets.

Sheesh.

Fix that ish!


Anyways, fun was had, things were learned, souvenirs were bought and the monorail and a certain hot tub was abused in what I'll call our Vegas honeymoon. I call it that because Monday afternoon we got married. I get all puffy in the ocular region when thinking of it but I'll let her tell it. She does a better job than I when it comes to relaying that one.

Hold tight... You'll get all the info you need in due time, okay?

Wait til' I tell you how I got a hold of the ring... You'll laugh, you'll cry. Hell, you're probably reading that one paragraph up there over again just to make sure you read it right.

You did.

Status Check

Peace, y'all...

I'm working on the very important posts I spoke upon last week and plan on getting them up here in a hot second, but right now I'm out running errands in preperation for my vacation celebration demonstration. I'll holla in a minute, aiight?

Hope everyone is well.

Consistantly Inconsistantly Consistant

Okay, I've been a little absent... Sorry.

Well, maybe not. I'm not that busy but I have been planning my vacation and new year's plans with my other half and enjoying the fact that she's actually there. I mean, right here *points*. I know, I was supposed to explain all of that and I will... Next week. I promise.

I tell you, I've never been this befuddled in blessings in my life. Ever. Its a good thing though. I just needed time to sort out how something, someone, some situations so good happened to me of all people. Let some folks tell it, I am one cold hearted Martha Focker worthy of nothing but bad karma for the rest of my years.

That's another thing. I had to get over some deep seeded hatred that still kind of resides in my heart. Small traces though. One thing about finding love and re-establishing a relationship with my mother is that I had to get over an event or two that happened to me this year that had me hating someone. I never thought that I would ever be in such a predicament seeing as I've gone thru some shit in my short life.

We're taught as children to not even use the word hate, and some of us even grew up in christian households with extreme love and forgiveness being taught both in school and at home. I was one of those children, having that principle beaten over my head to the point where I thought it had settled in and thought that it regulated my behavior. I guess sometimes it takes a few things to make stuff like that dissipate.

Even when someone thinks they are doing you well they could actually be doing you harm. I know one thing, I had to let go of anger and resentment when it came to my mother as well. It took that release of anger and hatred to make me see that I was wasting time and energy when it came to folk who never mattered in my heart, so how did I feel hatred in the first place? I see my mother now and I see a different woman than the one I remember.

In the 15 or so months I went ignoring her calls and not speaking and seeing her I can see with fresh eyes that life is beginning to take its toll on her. Know that my mother is strong and will not let the simple shit in life whoop her ass. I'm just saying that she doesn't even look the same in my eyes and knowing how foolish I was to hold a grudge against her and be out of her life when she could have been easily taken away from me makes me feel that much more of a special feeling because I still have her and I need her now more than I ever have.

Sometimes, I can be stupid. I thank the universe for the opportunity to rekindle. If it wasn't for her, I would never know the love that I attempt to reciprocate from an amazing woman born on the same day she was. It is my mother who coached me up with a few pearls of wisdom that had me to understand and act upon something I had no clue on, and that is love from a good woman.

And then she tried to kidnap her away from me. In other words, for someone that has never gotten along with previous boyfriend's moms and such, My mother gave her a warm embrace of welcome into the family, investigated the beginnings of our relationship, told her every Hassan secret, gave her pearls on how to treat and keep her son and immediately asked for grandchildren.

My mother. What the hell was I thinking in the past few years?

When this year started, I was working a job I didn't want in a place I didn't want to travel to, reeling from injury that I thought at the time would affect my career as a big rig operator. From then to now things got progressively worse to the point of depressed anger, relocation and then homecoming with me getting back into a rig. It was when I came home that my crooked got straight and of course, with me taking the last two weeks of December off to go roast in the sun on a much needed vacation and then ringing in the new year with my other half, I will take next week to look over and reflect on the events that got me here.

There were a few things that had me jaded on love, life and the opportunity to make good in life which lead to me having feelings of hatred for someone I once held close to me as a friend. I knew that I had to let that go in order for me to to even have that simple conversation I had with my mom that first week of August. It took death, love, hatred and despair for me to get here right now. I can't write this shit, trust me but I'll try in the coming days.

And then... Vacation.

And rebirth.

And family, and then I can celebrate 2008 and do my dance.

Where's Waldo? - Here's Hassan

Where have I been you ask? No place, to be honest. I've been at work on the highways and by-ways hauling freight driving my truck and spending time with friends, family and my other half like any normal cat would, but that's the thing...

When you have family and make the shift to start your own, you realize that the time you once had for other things has been replaced with a new sense of purpose. Not that the old haunts aren't meant for you anymore, it's just that you shift focus on what's important. Right now that is the health and safety of my family, and I ain't talking about Moms and Pops (although that is just as important. Consider them consultants from this point forward).

Becoming a husband and a father requires trust and time spent learning how to intertwine the differences that separate people to make the family unit stronger. I am glad my brothers and sister as well as my mother are in my life to teach me the finer points of being a man of faith and family. I am the last in the family to make the effort to jump the broom and make some babies and I need all the help I can get because I owe it to my beloved and the universe to put forth the absolute best effort to lead, provide and grow my seeds in the proper, most respectful manner in the eyes of the creator. Without help, I will mess this up.

I'm also thankful for re-kindling my relationship with my mother... My relationship with my other half only exists because of this. I shouldn't have to explain this, huh? Some things cannot be created, maintained or can exist without mom, nuff said.

The politics that revolve around American holidays no longer exist for me. I know that I'll get this time of year off of work and so will those I hold dear to me, so I do my best to visit and catch up. Good thing, most of these folks I won't see for a long time so I hustled my ass off to be places where they would be given the time off we had, and boy I'm glad I did...



Hanging out with good friends in old haunts...

I spent a little time getting to know the niece I don't get a chance to see...



My other half and I also attended fellow blogger and artist extraordinaire Namelia Anderson's (pictured below) 1st gallery showing.
This piece is called 'A Piece Of Peace' (the artist, standing next to her work) and will bless our home


My sister surprised us with a holiday visit. It was cool to sit and break bread and see my niece and nephew after damn near a year.

What was funny was that my other half took my sister's place in the sister circle in helping prep Thanksgiving dinner. I was the only one that knew that my sister and her eating machine of a husband was coming in and had to prompt folks to purchase more food without letting the cat out of the bag because the table placing grew exponentially with her family's visit. My mom actually came and scooped my other half up from the spot early in the darkness last Thursday morning while I was sleep and they really put their foot into the meal. She also kidnapped her on other occasions, she fits so well into the family muddle... Now if moms can just give me back my woman (their birthday, as well as my niece's birthday are all on the same day talk about commonality... go figure) I enjoyed every moment I got a chance to spend with everyone near and dear to me. This was most special to me because now that I have my own family memories like that define our legacy with our own children.


After all was said and done the end result was this... Happy parental units. That's all that matters.

That and love from a good woman. More on that later.

Waiting Rooms, Sales Pitches and A Short Story In Between... All While Hanging Out With Mom

I'm hanging out with Moms today. She has an appointment with her primary care doc and I am her chauffeur this afternoon. Getting this chance to hang out with Moms is good stuff. She misses my sister and lil bruh just closed on his home. That dude is busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest but is happier than a sissy with a bag of... Okay too much. Got that from Bernie Mac. Sorry.

We dropped dad off at the job, got a nibble to eat and now It's just me, LilBlakMac (that's the laptop's nickname) and my wireless card hanging out in the waiting area, scoping the pretty faces, trading convo with the pharmaceutical sales rep and writing this thingee. In order to get back into the swing of things, my muse suggested that I just write stuff and I came up with this one right after the sales rep left after an futile attempt to recruit me to sell drugs. Legally that is... Man, I drive a truck. Enough about me, check this short, it's kinda cool cause' I'm making it up as I go along here in the waiting room. Tell me if I should make something out of this one:




He had never felt as lost as he was in this moment. Indeed, he was the new kid and he felt out of place as he stood on his stoop. The neighborhood kids played just a distance away and they kept an eye on each other, them wondering when he would come out to the sidewalk to address and he wondering if one or all of them would run over to the bottom step and invite him to partake in their fodder.

This was only different in the fact that he never thought that he would ever end up here. His parents worked to the point of him not seeing them during the week, also knowing that he was one of the few kids at school that actually lived in a house. Families in the big city were apartment dwellers. The only other family he knew that lived in a home as big as his was his cousin.

There were good memories had from the summer he spent at his aunt and uncle’s house. Times have changed and so has his family’s status after his father died in an accident at the auto plant a few months ago. He barely saw his mother anymore. When she wasn’t crying alone in her bedroom she was working one of her three jobs, studying for night school or sleeping. He was basically on his own these days and this was the first summer living in the brownstone apartment he now called home. No more summers with his cousin, no more as his dad called it ‘country adventures’.

He never thought his situation would change like this. Remembering going over to grandma’s house and driving through these neighborhoods. He was an outgoing kid, not afraid to address a stranger and not scared to explore new places, but this was too surreal to wrap his brain around:

Older boys hanging on the corner
Lawns with no grass growing in them
Stores with speakers on the outside of the front door, music blaring
Random kids running amok
Vacant lots and run down buildings blending in with neighbors next door watering non-existing plants
Fire hydrants open, kids and auto traffic merging with little to no effort
Women dressed like they’re going swimming with their church shoes on walking the dark places of the back streets
Weird-looking churches right on the same street as the liquor store
So many liquor stores… And the activity around them

He thought it was the story he saw on the TV each night on the news. He thought he would never be a part of it so he casually ignored it. Some of his father’s co-workers lived in these areas be he never knew which one. A few of the kids came to the repast and funeral with their parents and he remembered being in the room separated as the grown folks bantered about and recalls how loud these kids were. They seemed to be more open and loose with their expression that he remembered being taught so he remained quiet. And now he stood on the stoop of his new home carefully observing this same kids wondering if they would ever make contact.

They remained observers of each other until one kid walked over to the bottom step of the brownstone and addressed the neighborhood’s new edition:

“Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey.”
“I’m David, what’s your name, man?”
“I’m Kevin.”
“You got any brothers or sister man, or is it just you over here?”
“Nah, it’s just me.”
“That’s cool. I got a little brother. He messes up everything. You wanna go walking around?”
“Go walking where? I don’t know a whole lot about around here.”
“Don’t worry man, it’s the hood, ain’t much to know unless somebody starts fighting or the man comes through.”
“The man?”
“Yeah, you know. The cops, the fuzz, mister Charlie and em’.”
“The police?”
“Yea man. They always messing with folks around here. My dad calls em’ get stoppo.”
“You mean Gestapo – the German killer police?”
“Yeah, just like them dudes from history class. Sometimes they go around killing folks for no good reason, but that’s just the dudes that got dope though. Them Gestapo dudes popped my daddy’s brother three years ago. What you know about some German history anyway?”
“That’s all we ever learn about in history at my school anyway is about the war and how that holocaust changed how we do things. My pops used to tell me that there was some sort of a black holocaust but…”
“He ain’t around no more”
“Shoot, my daddy ain’t either. He split too?”
“Naw, was in an accident.”
“And y’all moved here? Dang man. But don’t worry though, ain’t too many kids here ever seen their daddy, the just be hanging out.”

They talked on the stoop for about an hour and then they started to walk around, David showing Kevin the neighborhood. As Kevin toured what was his new hangout and home, he wondered what would become of him amid the madness and noise, sirens and loud music. He studied this kid and wondered what made him of all people endear himself to a total stranger and wondered aloud sometimes why he was so open when all the other kids just looked and never spoke.

As they walked and explored, he imagined himself as just one of the boys hanging out on the corners looking as if her was protective of all the abandoned buildings and vacant lots. He knew that he would have to make everything he took in familiar, this was his new home and he had to know it like the back of his hand. The one thing he never knew is how much he’ll need the knowledge of the lay of that land… Kevin’s world would indeed change as much as he would become a product of this new environment.