79 Days

Someone named Independentvoice wrote in today's Chicago Sun-times: President Obama’s Promises Kept: Reverse restrictions on stem cell research Extend unemployment insurance benefits and temporarily suspend taxes on these benefits Create a foreclosure prevention fund for homeowners Expand loan programs for small businesses Extend and index the 2007 Alternative Minimum Tax patch Expand eligibility for State Children's Health Insurance Fund (SCHIP) Expand funding to train primary care providers and public health practitioners Direct military leaders to end war in Iraq Send two additional brigades to Afghanistan Restore funding for the Byrne Justice Assistance Grant (Byrne/JAG) program Release presidential records Require new hires to sign a form affirming their hiring was not due to political affiliation or contributions. Remove more brush, small trees and vegetation that fuel wildfires Create a White House Office on Urban Policy Support increased funding for the NEA Work to overturn Ledbetter vs. Goodyear Ban lobbyist gifts to executive employees Weatherize 1 million homes per year Invest in all types of alternative energy Enact tax credit for consumers for plug-in hybrid cars Support high-speed rail Appoint at least one Republican to the cabinet Promises that he kept but offered a compromise: Eliminate capital gains taxes for small businesses and start-ups Expand the earned income tax credit Create a tax credit of $500 for workers Create the American Opportunity Tax Credit to offset college costs Set a three-month moratorium on foreclosures Earmark reform No family making less than $250,000 will see "any form of tax increase."-Cigarette tax for SCHIP Stalled Promises: End income tax for seniors making less than $50,000 Call for repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy Enact windfall profits tax for oil companies Allow penalty-free hardship withdrawals from retirement accounts in 2008 and 2009 Promises in the works: Increase the capital gains and dividends taxes for higher-income taxpayers Eliminate all oil and gas tax loopholes Extend child tax credits and marriage-penalty fixes Require automatic enrollment in 401(k) plans Require automatic enrollment in IRA plans Change standards for determining broadband access Create a $60 billion bank to fund roads and bridges Extend the Bush tax cuts for lower incomes Repeal the Bush tax cuts for higher incomes Phase out exemptions and deductions for higher earners Invest in electronic health information systems Implement and fund proven health intervention programs Eliminate the higher subsidies to Medicare Advantage plans Prevent drug companies from blocking generic drugs Double federal funding for cancer research Reduce the Veterans Benefits Administration claims backlog Launch a supportive services-housing program for veterans to prevent homelessness Begin removing combat brigades from Iraq Launch robust diplomatic effort with Iraq and its neighbors Increase the size of the Army and Marine Corps End the "Stop-Loss" program of forcing troops to stay in service beyond their expected commitments Set standards for when the government should hire defense contractors End the abuse of supplemental budgets for war Double U.S. spending on foreign aid to $50 Billion a year by 2012 End the use of torture End the use of extreme rendition Close the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center Develop an alternative to President Bush's Military Commissions Act on handling detainees Extend monitoring and verification provisions of the START I Treaty Develop a comprehensive cyber security and response strategy Increase the size of the Foreign Service Grant Americans unrestricted rights to visit family and send money to Cuba Expand Early Head Start and Head Start Reduce subsidies to private student lenders and protect student borrowers Expand Pell grants for low-income students Secure the borders Push for a college football playoff system Allow bankruptcy judges to modify terms of a home mortgage Appoint experienced disaster official to head FEMA Encourage community service through online outreach and social networking Expand broadband's reach Double federal funding for basic science research over 10 years Create White House performance team and chief performance officer Limit subsidies for agribusiness Appoint an American Indian policy adviser Create new financial regulations Pressure Sudan to end violence in Darfur Create 5 million "green" jobs Raise fuel economy standards Work with UN on climate change Create cap and trade system with interim goals to reduce global warming Require more energy-efficient appliances Reduce energy consumption in federal buildings Require federal fleet to be half hybrids or electrical cars Modernize the nation's electricity grid and use "smart grid" practices Modernize air traffic system Ensure that stem cell research is conducted ethically and with vigorous oversight Broken Promises: Allow five days of public comment before signing bills Tougher rules against revolving door for lobbyists and former officials Create a $3,000 tax credit for companies that add jobs Recognize the Armenian genocide There are over 400 promises that President Obama has not given any action to. But give him time, he has only been in office 79 days. You think so?

Everday Struggle

Good Sunday to you.

I spent yesterday just sitting around, vegging just thinking about things. For years now there has been so much running thru my mind. I've never been able to turn the noise off.

Ever.

There has to be at least 127 different things going on at one given time in my head, and I hear them all. All at the same time. I never had a problem with my mind's filter. Not even now. I'm just selective with which voice I listen to. I have great ideas, I'm also a sick, demented fellow. Never had to give in to the evil or misdeeds that my mind sometimes tells me to do, so there.

But now in my third act I have to make a choice. I have to choose that one thing.

You know, like Lauryn said: That thing.

I don't have much time to make that choice either. Because I'm married and have to consider my other half's feelings and ideas... You know. I have to choose. This is a hard thing, making the choice.

You still don't know what the hell I'm speaking of? Okay, here:

I am standing at 40's gate. In fact I have a couple of years to get there, but here's the rub... I just got married about a year ago. I never wanted children and if I never have any I won't be mad. I did what I was supposed to do with school (after a little prodding and the phone calls from the student loan people trying to recoup their yapers after I dropped out of undergrad the second time) and never capitalized on higher education.

I saved and had money. Dibbled in real estate and invested a few duckets here and there but never made a wad of cash in the market. I wrote songs, recorded them and even wrote a few manuscripts with enough verbiage to edit, publish and stand on it but never wanted to really put it out there because I would put too much of myself out there for folks to buy and have on their shelf. And I would have to answer for that shit too... Hells naw, I've cowered out more than a few times and quit a few jobs over having too much responsibility. I refuse to baby sit grown-ass human beings. Left the Army over that shit and ran from corporate America as well.

I ain't the one.

Now I stand on this plane of existence with a wife, real estate opportunity, and the possibility of having a house full of opinionated, bad ass Hassans' running around, getting politically dangerous with their second grade teachers...

I have to make a choice of what I'm going to do in order to support my family and define myself in this, the last third of my life. The first twenty or so years were purely developmental. It made me me. As the second twenty comes to a close I have to stick to that one thing...

What my kids and history will know me for.
What will put food on my table. I can't drive that truck for much longer. Absence...
What will make me happy.
What will satisfy my wife, family and extended fam. I'm happy when their happy, trust.

I keep hearing Biggige hitting that chorus from 'Everyday Struggle':

'I don't wanna live no more
Sometime I hear death knocking at my front door
I'm living everyday like a hustle
Another drug to juggle
Another day, another struggle

Yo, it's just like that in at least the first 47 voices that be yelling in my head.

I got the education, the connections, the street knowledge and the drive, but I gotta make one choice and do something...

Out of all of the things I can do. I have to determine exactly what that thing is and stick to it and be happy with my decision. Can't build a home and feed and handle a family unless I do that thing, whatever that things is. I'm not confused, I just want to do the one thing that will make me happy and feel good about my definition.

I don't know what that thing is going to be. I also know when I make that choice I cannot flip-flop. According to the stats, I have less years left to live that I've already used.

Damn.

How does one satiate one's soul, give into other's wishes and feel satisfied that what he or she is doing as the right and good thing? This is indeed an everyday thing struggle.

Huh?

Sometimes, it takes a wealth of courage to hold things back.

Other times, you gotta just let it spill from you emotionally.

I promised in my last post that I would curtail my emotions and conduct myself like a grown-ass man when it comes to blogging. I spent a lot of time back in the day waging war against certain folk, even myself lyrically with the written verse.

I've written a bunch of poems, held mental court with myself more than a few times and did everything within my physical to not do stupid shit when it came to situations, jobs and other people. I am not an anti-social cat so I still get out and speak. There was a time where I got too personal with people I had no business dealing with. In those instances, I shared all of myself and learned a lot about them. That information was strictly for me and I have not shared.

As I reflect on what I have done here with putting my business all out on the street and thangs I realize that life is a series of actions based on the emotional...

I Owe Everyone An Apology...

For not tending to my due diligence.

I've been blogging since 2004, and where at one point this place was an outlet for my outbursts, it seems in maturity they become more like quiet conversations that have a little meaning for those that choose to read, respond and have participated in some of the life things I have.

I have grown. Y'all deserve better.

I have always been fascinated with politics, technology and independent study as it pertains to Black folk here in America. I'm also moody, opinionated and fickle when it comes to... Well anything. I have waxed poetically, ranted politically and emotionally romped all up and thru here and for some in my inner circle, y'all know my business For others, it wasn't like there were cryptic messages here that could not be followed.

When I started blogging in 2004:

I was a cubicle slave, complaining about being single and miserable in my line of work

I longed for the day that I could be free economically, running my own business

I was casually dating and going through emotional roller coasters


And with a few years with a little internet under my belt:

I had broken free of corporate America and was trying to find my place

I gave up everything I owned and roamed the countryside like Kane from Kung Fu

I relocated a few times and had to stab a few of the hands that fed me

Caused emotional roller coasters by not casually dating


And over the last 18 months I:

Relocated back to Chicago

Got married - Settled down

Got profitable and grounded in my business ventures

Used my political knowledge as leverage against ignorance in a Presidential campaign

And still stirred up a few emotions inside and outside the Ntimbanjayo camp


And for those that had to struggle thru reading that bullshit, I sincerely apologize.

Blogging should have taken on serious aspects of my life and I should have stuck with writing about those particular things that could help, inspire and made sense. I didn't do that so my apologies go out to y'all for dragging folk thru stuff that probably should have never made it to your monitor or laptop screen.

But since I'm here...

I still want to write and communicate, and even wax poetic and speak politics even though shortly before the election 6 months ago I pulled myself from the Obama campaign and refused to blog politically. I'm currently a husband and a future father. I'll still attempt to use this forum as a tool of change for myself. I'm still a tech head, even though I no longer work in cubicle land doing IT related stuff. I still vote and pay taxes and have an opinion on what matters and what I think should be.

I am 20 years or so removed from high school, so most of my peers are parents and/or grandparents and with 14 (and a possible) nieces and nephews I do have discussions in that realm. I have responsibilities and should speak out and reach out to folk when necessary. I still should provoke thought and create and respond via intelligent conversation, not make people ask "what the hell is that?" when I write.

I travel more and have been recording and writing about my escapades. I also have one hell of a social calender and some adventurous friends and I am dying to tell about the people, places and things that make me giggle like a schoolgirl and get me as full as a tick. And drunk even. But between social networking sites, Tweets and business profiles, I'm all over the damn place. Well, not any more.

So, in the next couple of days (maybe a week, I get lazy) I'm going to change up a few things here and centralize all things Hassan on the 'Blogging While Black' domain. There will be sub domains and archives of the old stuff, my current music and literary projects, product reviews (I am a consumer electronics whore slash gadget freak/former network operations dude for 2 majors/2 wireless carriers) and trip recaps (trucker related stuff and the monthly vacation thing the wife and I do). I'll try to cover stuff that makes me tick in a way that is part infoshare - part blog persona because between Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn and the rest of em, going to all of those places makes me damn tired. Hell, I own a domain. Might as well use it to its advantage.

So out with the emotional rants, virtual gifts, ignorant quizzes, fake celebrity gossip and pixie dust exploding all over your computer monitor when someone leaves you a note that jut says 'hello'... It's time to get grown in cyberspace. My blog should reflect my growth and development. I just hope other folk follow suit.

Oh and by the way, there will be no sponsorship/renumeration or comps given when I talk about commercial products or tech stuff. By product review, that means either I bought, used, rented, leased or came across and actually utilized something being sold on the open market for either business or pleasure purposes and I have an independent opinion. As much as I drive and travel you know that there is a need for me to partake in stuff that eases and comforts someone that spends so much time away from home. For those that really know me, Then you already know about my other ventures that pay the mortgage and car notes around here.

Once again, I am sorry for not utilizing this medium in a manner that is consistant with grown folk and what they do. Change gon' come soon, okay?

How I Got Over You

I laughed aloud.

It took more time that I wanted to admit
But my hurdle was accomplished in humor.

We were more than common,
my drive matched your determination
you opened me with your words
I made time to communicate
I gained a new hustle in effort to get next to you
Never had so much thought been conjured up in my mind

By way of a train ride.
In my moment of support, I held back my other hand
Never to deceive...

But in my presentation I had to remain clandestine
I hid my means from you

But in order to see you and still be knee deep in my thing
I hustled opposite in the manner that I spoke up my life
Nah, no one died or got hooked from my dealings,
I gentrified to pay my tithes.
My actions caused some to be uprooted but...

It fueled my desire and made me make time

Just to be close to you... Girl.
For a moment, baby
For a moment, baby

And in that time I dug deeply
You illuminated the dark tunnels
Nonsense became common knowledge
I felt lighter because you lifted me but I should have known

You never made any real effort to pick me up.
And I was too busy keeping my right hand from your sight
Funding the left... To really see
That your light never really illuminated me
I was just that push you'll need

I pushed you.

And you never got chance to know me
You sat yourself across from me
My name became transparency
That night, checked texts, frigidity
With all that light, I could not see

You gained pleasure in ignoring me.


So I think back to those last moments in the flesh
And how things didn't happen
With all that was left unsaid
How things crumbled in my eyes but worked as your perfect plan
And how I suffered

Then I realized that as I hid my hand
Only to hide from you my method of finance you showed me both of yours
And with each palm

Emptiness.

The perfect comedy to my hapless tragedy

This wasn't the first time I doubled down when the dealer drew 21.
I hadn't played my last card, in fact...
I was at the beginning of my deck.

So I kept playing.

Had both of my hands on the table for some time now.
I never had to fool the dealer.

How did I get over you?
I realized that I was dealt in a very long time ago.
Fear of losing will prevent you to play your real hand
I lost.
But as I kept playing, I've won way more than I have lost.
Even when the game has dealt me queens.
Your comedy to my tragedy.

I just chuckle...

Cathartic, I guess.


Written on the fly in the moment - 2009 Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo - Sho Nuff' ~ Ya' Dig?

(Working Title) Englewood Kids

I started typing and only got so far... Forgive me. Things are well and I keep busy. I'm also getting some writing in as you can see from the passages below. I got more but I haven't touched my bed since yesterday morning...


He had never felt as lost as he was in this moment. Indeed, he was the new kid and he felt out of place as he stood on his stoop. The neighborhood kids played just a distance away and they kept an eye on each other, them wondering when he would come out to the sidewalk to address and he wondering if one or all of them would run over to the bottom step and invite him to partake in their fodder.

This was only different in the fact that he never thought that he would ever end up here. His parents worked to the point of him not seeing them during the week, also knowing that he was one of the few kids at school that actually lived in a house. Families in the big city were apartment dwellers. The only other family he knew that lived in a home as big as his was his cousin.

There were good memories had from the summer he spent at his aunt and uncle’s house. Times have changed and so has his family’s status after his father died in an accident at the auto plant a few months ago. He barely saw his mother anymore. When she wasn’t crying alone in her bedroom she was working one of her three jobs, studying for night school or sleeping. He was basically on his own these days and this was the first summer living in the brownstone apartment he now called home. No more summers with his cousin, no more as his dad called it ‘country adventures’.

He never thought his situation would change like this. Remembering going over to grandma’s house and driving through these neighborhoods. He was an outgoing kid, not afraid to address a stranger and not scared to explore new places, but this was too surreal to wrap his brain around:

Older boys hanging on the corner
Lawns with no grass growing in them
Stores with speakers on the outside of the front door, music blaring
Random kids running amok
Vacant lots and run down buildings blending in with neighbors next door watering non-existing plants
Fire hydrants open, kids and auto traffic merging with little to no effort
Women dressed like they’re going swimming with their church shoes on walking the dark places of the back streets
Weird-looking churches right on the same street as the liquor store
So many liquor stores… And the activity around them

He thought it was the story he saw on the TV each night on the news. He thought he would never be a part of it so he casually ignored it. Some of his father’s co-workers lived in these areas be he never knew which one. A few of the kids came to the repast and funeral with their parents and he remembered being in the room separated as the grown folks bantered about and recalls how loud these kids were. They seemed to be more open and loose with their expression that he remembered being taught so he remained quiet. And now he stood on the stoop of his new home carefully observing this same kids wondering if they would ever make contact.

They remained observers of each other until one kid walked over to the bottom step of the brownstone and addressed the neighborhood’s new edition:

“Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey.”
“I’m David, what’s your name, man?”
“I’m Kevin.”
“You got any brothers or sister man, or is it just you over here?”
“Nah, it’s just me.”
“That’s cool. I got a little brother. He messes up everything. You wanna go walking around?”
“Go walking where? I don’t know a whole lot about around here.”
“Don’t worry man, it’s the hood, ain’t much to know unless somebody starts fighting or the man comes through.”
“The man?”
“Yeah, you know. The cops, the fuzz, mister Charlie and em’.”
“The police?”
“Yea man. They always messing with folks around here. My dad calls em’ get stoppo.”
“You mean Gestapo – the German killer police?”
“Yeah, just like them dudes from history class. Sometimes they go around killing folks for no good reason, but that’s just the dudes that got dope though. Them Gestapo dudes popped my daddy’s brother three years ago. What you know about some German history anyway?”
“That’s all we ever learn about in history at my school anyway is about the war and how that holocaust changed how we do things. My pops used to tell me that there was some sort of a black holocaust but…”
“He ain’t around no more”
“Shoot, my daddy ain’t either. He split too?”
“Naw, was in an accident.”
“And y’all moved here? Dang man. But don’t worry though, ain’t too many kids here ever seen their daddy, the just be hanging out.”

They talked on the stoop for about an hour and then they started to walk around, David showing Kevin the neighborhood. As Kevin toured what was his new hangout and home, he wondered what would become of him amid the madness and noise, sirens and loud music. He studied this kid and wondered what made him of all people endear himself to a total stranger and wondered aloud sometimes why he was so open when all the other kids just looked and never spoke.

As they walked and explored, he imagined himself as just one of the boys hanging out on the corners looking as if her was protective of all the abandoned buildings and vacant lots. He knew that he would have to make everything he took in familiar, this was his new home and he had to know it like the back of his hand. The one thing he never knew is how much he’s need the knowledge of the lay of that land… Kevin’s world would indeed change as much as he would become a product of this new environment.

I Still Have New Orleans On My Mind

You can taste it in the stale air at or about 3am. You know its time to go home, but you paid to get here and folks are still crowding the streets and the live music keeps calling you. You have another drink, your belly is full of seafood, rice and beans. You probably would wake up and have a little wine out of the fridge like I would if you were at home standing in the dark, the icebox light illuminating the kitchen and dining room. I would sit at the table and have a good glass of chilled merlot, even if I have to get up and do my due diligence in mere hours.

But you're in New Orleans and it strikes you that damn near every native you come across keeps saying hello. Yep, there is an excuse in celebrating that.

So we're two days into our escapade around the Big Easy and it ain't even the weekend but it feels like it. I think my nightcap every night except for the last one consisted of a frozen daiquiri with either Captain Morgan, 151 or Everclear in it. And I friggin' loved it! We spent more than a work week in the Crescent city and it went something like:

sleep in late
roam the French Market
eat fresh seafood in the French Quarter
ride a rail car
walk
eat fresh seafood outside the French Quarter
shop
gamble (I gotta keep my card count)
have a good, stiff drink
sight see stuff
have more fresh seafood
hit Bourbon Street
listen to great live music
have another good, stiff drink
hit the hay before sunset... literally

There was a five day blur of walking about the French Market, light shopping and eating well with a slight touch of alcohol, and it was exactly what both my wife and I needed to take the edge off living and gallivanting through a city like Chicago. This diverse and small gulf city with these diverse and generous people pitted in the midst of rebuild treated everyone off the boat, plane and bus like a family known house guest, giving them access to everything in the house, including the medicine cabinet.

The best thing about wandering through the second oldest city in America is its blend of natural mystic of gulf swamp, the architecture of both the French and Spanish and the tangible markings of history. The businesses and residents simply gut out some of its buildings in the French Quarter and Market, keeping the facade and frame whilst adding business and modernization to areas of the city long past 300 years old. The central business district and downtown areas are classic metropolis. Glass, steel, shops and stores make up where wheeling and dealing takes place. There still isn't enough money to overtake what Canal and Bourbon can make in a night, but things are coming up. The rebuild will do exactly what big business wants it to do. I'm not a fan of gentrification, but I do understand that the footprint of the rich that want to play will overtake the will of the street vendor in a mere few years.

I'll still want to visit and lobby for the poeple.

Damn, I haven't even waxed on about the arts, the music and the damn food...

Oh, and we did visit Mid City, Lakeview and the Lower Ninth Ward.

Around The Big Easy (A Picture Essay Cause' I'm Lazy)

(Update) Walking To New Orleans

I've been to this place before. That's what I was thinking as I took I-10 around into the city. I remember coming to this place as a drunk heathen in undergrad and the times I drove thru as a truck driver. I remember arriving at ground zero less than a year after Katrina and thinking that is was akin to something I saw in an old science fiction movie. New Orleans was very quiet in 2006 and you couldn't get in via interstate 10 because Lake Pontchartrain took it but now, 10 was like a main artery feeding trucks and cars into one of the most tragically beautiful places I ever laid my eyes on.

At one time I thought I'd get a woman pregnant and would have to move here to take care of her and properly raise my seed. A classmate from high school moved there and at one time I had a little 'business' in the Big Easy. New Orleans has a few memories tucked away involving lil' old Hassan. For the most part, I was too drunk to remember much. That never stopped me from wanting to go back even though coming back this time would be damn scandalously different. I headed to the Crescent City last week with my wife.

This time I hit Bourbon Street as a family man. No frat, no business partner trying to get me to hook up with that fine ass divorce from accounting during the morning seminar. No truckers telling me not to buy any hand crafted art because the bones and spirit of the dead inhabit the ceramic and stone. No hanging out at sporting events with drunk Army buddies... I was minutes from checking into a French Quarter hotel with my other half.

I was taking vacation, so I was primed to act accordingly. Even though I really wanted a drink.

And some crawfish.


My time keeps getting away from me, so I'll blog as I go. Look for more of this throughout the day and over the weekend. I'll time stamp things as well...


_________________________________________________________________
Friday - 6:50 PM

A long time ago I was a different person. I was this arrogant asshole of a man standing only on my military accomplishments, half of it the public could not know. I was a young, black Karl Rove, headed to New Orleans with a smirk on my face because I knew some things others didn't, got through a bunch of red tape and political bullshit and now it was time to celebrate. It was the first time I took a vacation as an adult and it was myself and a few Army cats actually calling our trip a sane form of raping and pillaging. Raping the bars of its liquid gold and pillaging (or filtering) through the different kinds of women Nawlins had to offer. We were young, fit and trim and we survived war so you could tell us nothing. That was almost twenty years ago and I can remember nothing but getting there and using a cell phone for the first time to call a mate from my old unit out of Colorado that was already there. Other than that, the call of alcohol rung in my ears and the feeling of numb stung me from my fingers to my toes.

I remember the feeling of alcohol and not walking the Quarter or being in the hotel. I remember being downtown accessing the lobby but I can't remember much else except for me going to the airport to head to Chicago. I remember my mother picking me up from the airport and me riding the expressway back into the heart of the south side wondering why I felt the way I did when I left Korea. Oh, I drank heavily there too, every day. New Orleans is a welcoming city but it feels like your are no longer in the States. The warm feeling welcomes to to the neighborhoods and the banks east and west of the central business district but if you choose to stay downtown or in the French Quarter, you are in a foreign country. I miss home so much that back in the day I'd drink myself numb in order to function normally.

I got that feeling once my wife and I got to the hotel room. All I wanted to do is drop my bags and get out on the Quarter. Our accommodations were on Dauphin, so we were one block away from Bourbon smack dab in the middle of the Quarter. We checked in, checked our respective emails and looked at each other. How do I show her that I am not the monster I was twenty years ago? Didn't have to. She looked at me and said: "Let's go get a drink." When we walked outside and headed to Bourbon, all of the tingly feelies came back.

And I smelled craw daddies.

Shit, it's the Thursday after Fat Tuesday and the Quarter seemed empty. Oh, it was only 8 o'clock and we were both standing in front of one of those walk up daiquiri joints. I didn't know if my wife had a hurricane before but we bought one for each of us and I also got a huge cup of Heineken. Here I am, double fisting adult beverages with my wife and she performed some of the hardest sipping I had ever seen. She was trying very hard to get to the bottom of that cup. Them Bourbon street beverages will do that to ya. I reminded her that we had all night, still had to eat and that the drink was laced with Everclear. We stumbled down to one of the best restaurants on Bourbon and all I could think was introducing my wife to fried alligator. Once I got some semblance of beans and rice..

Death And Taxes

I was on my way to posting about my trip to Nawlins yesterday but a couple of things got in the way. A good friend from my immediate past and old high school chum passed away and I had errands to run, you know... Stuff to do.

I picked up a new suit yesterday an I gotta run to my tailor to get it fitted. Then I have more errands to do. Stuff. To do.

I'll pontificate (thanks LadyLee) on my so-called vacation later.

Coffee And Beingnets

I'm waking up in the French Quarter one mo' gin'. The wife and I already got up and took a walk over to the car. Coffee and beignets will be the order of the day, we'll shop and then head home later this evening. I took a lot of photos of New Orleans but only one seems to describe my most recent stay:




More on my trip when I return to Chicago and the cold.

At least it didn't snow. Like in Atlanta where we almost ended up.

10-4 Good Buddy

I must be stupid.

No, I'm a conformist.

Wait, I'm hopeful.

Nah, I'm just 'Dude', I guess. Some dude. Just that guy over there, and I'm perfectly happy with that.

Life is cool. I haven't been doing much around here, I just haven't had much to say in recent weeks. The marriage is going as well as folks that have been married a year and some change can go. We have ups and downs. We have disagreements and make noise like the next couple and then turn around and go out to dinner, come home and act like a disagreement had never taken place. We're in our movie renting phase where we'll get stuff the other one probably will never see. We also have separate TiVos and record different stuff. I hang out in my man cave downstairs and do stuff. Sports related stuff. X-Box related stuff. Writing stuff. I pass out on the couch just like the next guy. She scrapbooks. She's also an associate professor. Yep, she teaches and develops her business. We multi task and interact.

We do most of this at home.

We need every square foot of what I like to call the compound in order to be effective in what we do business wise and to also be effective in being with each other. For the most part its hit and miss. The other parts are bulls eyes that probably need game film so we can successfully get the do overs correct on the next spin. Marriage is indeed a great balance, and since November of last year we've been delving deeper into the inner workings of each other. Most times by choice, other times by necessity.

Most of y'all know that I was a truck driver contracted out to one of the big trucking companies that sent me across the cracked roads that stretched across America (Canada and Mexico too). Last fall, I decided to do something different and hopped out of the truck, partially to save my marriage and to be closer to home so that we could start a family. I gathered my tax info and got myself an EIN and started down the road of business ownership as a private courier. The business was good and I enjoyed being home every night with my other half. The being home thing was new to us because I actually enjoyed being on the road, so before I quit driving the rig my wife started coming with me. What we found out was that there was a lot of stuff we didn't know about each other due to my absence and she adjusted to traveling in the truck with me. And we had a little fun.

It was a bit different November, December and January because I was no longer on the highways and byways, calling home to see what was going on. No more hotels and 'exotic' foods. No more city hopping and souvenir buying because daddy was at the spot weekday evenings and weekends. I missed being in the truck and she actually missed going out on the road with me when she had down time so in January... I called and asked to get back into a truck.

Now I have to add that the tax breaks I had as a courier was a bit better than being a truck operator or lessee due to everything being expended as a part of business, but my wife started looking at houses and the money going out to pay for fuel, lunch and licensing was going to keep me working until December of this year when I would have gotten much of it back in taxes. We couldn't wait and my getting back into the truck would have gotten us the 10 to 30% needed to put down on a home. Plus truck drivers can amass a ton of cash quickly and with the market tanking we could take advantage of the real estate prices being down in 2009 until...

The big trucking company telling me to step off near the beginning of this month.

Thing is, we didn't sweat because we were saving money and after sitting down and getting to the deep end of how our relationship works I asked my wife if I should buy a truck (meaning tractor-trailer) as opposed to going to another company and leasing one or just being a company based driver for so beer or soda company. Reason I wanted to continue driving the rig is because the trucking industry is recession proof. Everything you have in your house or apartment right now was either shipped, delivered or hauled in the back of a 53 foot trailer. And, as a driver a couple of years ago for another trucking company (as well as the one I was just driving for) I've hauled everything from laptops to frozen goods to airbags for hybrid-electric vehicles. Truckers run the economy.

Oh, did I mention that truck owner/operators make somewhere from $2 to $5 per mile and averages 2500 to 3000 miles per week. I just never thought of becoming an owner operator because i knew how much time it would take away from being at home, and I know this is a little late in the game but... I just got to know my other half on a much deeper level and I kind of got used to being home weeknights and weekends. Maybe it was the holidays. Nah, it was the time spent. When you drive for a company as opposed to owning your own rig you'll never get more than 60 cents per mile. If you lease a truck from a company like I did a few times the truck isn't really yours and the weekly fees and such will suck up the $1.30 (on average) per mile you make. Also, you gotta do your own paperwork, logs, accounting as well as find your own accounts to drive and that's why a lot of drivers just go to xyz company and let them do all of the back office work. And that's why they (the drivers) only get damn near 60 cents per mile.

So I took the last couple of weeks and redefined my transport company from courier to freight forwarding/intermodal - interstate haul. I obtained my own authority to broker and carry freight across interstate lines and got myself an easy pass (tolls are a bitch). And I asked my wife to be my partner with that whole back office thingee. The paper trail needed to maintain this kind of business is horrible, but worth every penny. And then I went and found my horse.

yes, it's black. No Irony here

I guess I'm back to hauling freight over the road.

One thing, this time I'll have control over when I get home and how long I stay there and also what we'll do when I am there. I never had aspirations of being a truck driver. I never had the wherewithal to actually own a tractor and go thru the red tape and paperwork that comes with ownership. I never knew that I could make so much money doing this either, but my wife asked me for a house and my initial response was "okay, we'll look". When I saw that having an actual home was attainable I wondered if I had it in me in sacrifice.

Then I remembered that this is the same woman that gave up her life on the other side of the planet to make a home with my stank ass.

And then I was called to service by my commander in chief.

This is exactly what was asked of me last night. Put in the work, make the sacrifice and pay the cost and in the long run, we'll be alright. If I can stay safe and keep my drivers license this wouldn't be a full time gig based on how I decide to run my miles. This also means that I can get back on the road and enjoy just being out there. This also means that we can make more than one baby, cause I was wondering where the loot was going to come from for number one...

That and the mortgage
And the car payments
Stuff like that.

I'm telling you, it can be done. You just gotta' give something. Some of us have to figure out exactly what that is.

So to celebrate this magnanimous decision I've decided to head to the Big Easy for a few days to celebrate heathen style. I figure now that Mardi Gras is over I could actually creep around New Orleans with a little elbow room.

I really just want a little etouffe.

10-4 good buddy.

Obey

Other people's actions remind you that you're in this all alone. You have no one else to turn to when it comes to what you think you're responsible for. If you let em', they'll put all of their shit first, not giving thought to your comfort or humble opinion even if you shout them at folks every damn day. They always question your appreciation but never mention appreciation when it comes to you. And they expect you to stay right there.

Loyal and willing.

Just how loyal are you? And are you willing to stay right there?

A View From The Cheap Seats

I was going to quote Terry from his blog post today but that would not give the post as a whole justice. I know I have broken links over there and some of y'all just never made it to his blog from mine, so I give you his entire post for today and a link.

And a reminder.

Visit the Cheap Seats often.




The Cheap Seats
http://rydioflyertwo.blogspot.com

Elephants and Monkeys

As everyone knows by now a cartoonist drew a carton in New York newspaper. We all know what it looked like – we all know what it was.

But for me here’s the worst thing about it. The man who actually drew the cartoon didn’t have a racist intent. Race never crossed his mind. That’s even scarier too me than if he actually had done it on purpose. Do you know why? That means that he didn’t even recognize racism while he was doing it. He was totally out of touch. He had no sensitivity to it at all. That boys and girls is how far we have come. A professional cartoonist for a major newspaper creates a racist imagine, and doesn’t even know he did it. So I ask you, how ingrained is racism in white America if racism can happen, and someone not even see it?

Some might argue that he did know. I’ll be honest, I wish that he did. Then the problem might not be as bad as I thought. But I believe the he truly didn’t know what he was doing, and like I said, that makes the crime even worse.

The Attorney General of the United States, Eric Holder, took a beating yesterday for saying that the United States is a “Nation of Cowards” because we will not confront the issues of race. He went on to say that we have not come as far as we might think despite the election of Barak Obama. I’m paraphrasing, but he said that as long as we only deal with other races on strictly social terms, nothing will change. We are in fact divided and race is still a big issue in American. And we as a nation, after all of the years, still don’t want to deal with it.

Men in the media gave him a beaten about his statements. While the New York paper flowed from news stands, everyone else was saying how awful Mr. Holder’s comments were. That he should not have made such a remark and he was dishonoring every person who has ever defended this country.

Well let me say this about that.

He honored the people who have fought for this country. I think I can speak to that point because I have literally raised my hand, took on a weapon and stood my post. I have defended this country’s policies under the worst conditions imaginable. I will say, The Attorney General of the United States doesn’t just honor me - he speaks for me. If he stood by and let the rickety wagon of racism roll on by, that would be dishonoring. He speaks to what I have fought for…a country where all men truly are created equal.

The right wing mouth pieces are all over Eric Holder, and they defend the newspaper. They simply don’t get it. And that boys and girls is the real evil of racism in America today. They are so programmed that they actually don’t see it.

I am not the normal white American. It is an unfortunate statement but true. My parents taught me that African-Americans in America aren’t allowed to play on a level playing field; they told me that when I see racism I must point it out, or better yet, I should do something about it. But mine is not the story of most in white America. Their story is, don’t worry about the Black Man. There is no racism in America now because the chains have disappeared from sight. We’ve moved him from the fields to the factories. All is well.

Yeah...all is well.

So now, a man picks up a pen, draws the leader of the free world as a monkey, in a major news paper in America, and he never had a clue it was wrong. All is not well.

In America my friends, racism is still the big white elephant in the room, with the emphasis on white.

My view from the Cheap Seats.

My Day Of Reckoning

I think about dying a lot.

I've been thinking about how and when I die a lot lately.

I try to think of what value or worth I have to the ones that are close to me, I don't see much. Now more than ever I feel patronized and emotionally coddled by those that don't want to see me snap the fuck off and do something stupid (in their eyes).

Things are terribly normal.
I am home every day, not a good thing for a traveler like myself.
I have been writing but nothing worth posting here or anywhere else for that matter.

I read blogs and news on the daily and I have no political opinion on anything. America is still very racist and are going thru buyer's remorse with the current sitting president one month in.

I literally live around the corner from the first family and 3 people were murdered in this area in the last 21 days. Imagine that...

I have no clue about my motivation in living in the midst of madness. Black people are sick with hero worship and even the spiritual have grossed me the hell out waiting with a hand out (as usual), looking to a person that can only inspire them to help themselves.

Change comes from within, fuckers.

Remember something family: The same folk that ignored our suffering, dying and drowned in New Orleans during Katrina are the same folk that ignore us now. Imagine the death and destruction due to lack of privilege. Broken promises and no shows as folks shopped and stimulated Atlanta, Southern Cal and NYC. These are the politicians of non action, criticizing the current stimulus bill asking for a tax cut for the top five percent.

And a lot of the 60 percent of the voting populous that put the current sitting chief executive in office really believe that having our troops overseas bringing democracy is more important that having them home. Defending us.

And no one wants to reinvest in our homeland. No one wants to share. Everybody hates the new welfare state. A bunch of corporate welfare recipients judging us, not willing to share but willing to criticize. I am beginning to hate living here in the midst of madness.

We are have nots and the well to do's have never given a damn about us.

And I live here.

As I move to change all things around me to benefit my existence it seems that everything and everyone else simply refuse to do anything regarding real change.

Whatever man.

And you expect me to want to live in this bullshit?

I am so ready to meet my day of reckoning...
I also look forward to seeing those meet their day as well, even if it is by my hand.

It has to be better than this.

Back At It...

Yep.

I'll be back on a regular basis come tomorrow.

Not a lot to say but I will speak my damn mind, trust me.

Is Everyone Okay?

I just haven't had the urge due to all of the abnormality.

I'm talking bout stuff happening outside of my house, things are swell here.

Maybe now that folks are use to mentioning the chief executive's name we can gain some semblance of normality around here.

I hope.

PRICKly!

The past couple of weeks have been such a good blur.

All of the travel and minor layovers due to snow were expected and did not cramp my swagger. I am very excited about what happened recently...

I started to grow a beard.

It's all thick and mountainy. I got my 'Grizzly Adams' mojo working and I ain't cutting it (or trimming it. At all.) until the Republicans regain control of the executive branch.

Wifey doesn't like this at all... Doesn't matter what she thinks though. Every family guy should have a beard.

That's what I think.

Still

I'm still alive.

The wife and I went to Detroit last week and spent the beginning of this week in Louisville, so we're aiight.

It's just cold here now.

But we manage.

That's all that matters, right?

Belief And How It Affects...

Sometimes it's just best to listen.

I've always listened even though in some cases folk will tell you that I wasn't when I really was.

I share what I believe and even though I was raised in a traditional household, I shun tradition. Most folk that see and interact with me on a regular basis just can't get by that and my disappointment in their reasoning on the how and why I do what I do can no longer be held in.

Nah, not anymore.

I'm not a skeptic or a cynic, even if I've make a snide remark about something. That means I'm listening and have paid attention to detail. Details are so important to me, they indicate the inner workings of a thought, idea or ideology, and I need to know the numbers and see the schematics in order to find out the 'is' of the matter because nothing is ever what it seems on the surface. We all look for the truth in things and I observe closely how a lot of us layer a lot of man-made fabrications, laws and ideas and put our lives at stake based on these half truths and outright lies and call it living.

Let me explain:

This time of year means absolutely nothing to me. There is no emotion that I can invoke about Christmas, New Years or anything else that happens this year because I understand exactly what the definition of fabrication is.

My wife's birthday and our one year anniversary fell on two days other than Christmas last week and for some it might mean all kinds of things to do and stuff to get to celebrate a milestone, but to me they were just Tuesday and Wednesday. I realized a long time ago coming up in that bad ass neighborhood of mine and dealing with family, friend or foe in my immediate circle (which I had no control over but observed closely) that every day you get on this planet should be cherished. Between ignorance, bad nutrition and lack of available and affordable health care taking folks way too early on my block to the unnamed bullet snuffing the life out of the random innocent child to Wayne Williams (yeah, we feared his ass all the way up here) during childhood, I was surrounded by misery, shame family infighting, murder, poverty, racism and even me being touched by a trusted guardian so I told myself if I ever got out of the hood alive and sane...

I would appreciate each day of my life that much more.

I am surprised and shocked that I am alive at 37. I really truly thought I wouldn't make it.

Funny because Thanksgiving 2005 saw me wanting to commit suicide because I felt alone and it seemed that no one could understand what language I spoke emotionally. I recalled vividly from the past the two people that got murdered right in front of me and how I carried on like it was no big deal. I went to school and hung out like it was a regular occurrence but deep inside all I could think is how the departed no longer had to deal with silly little shit in life like I had to all the time. To me, death meant peace and I wasn't having a peaceful existence back in 05. I thought I was in love and ended up getting my heart broken a month after my Thanksgiving experience and a couple weeks into the new year I was also standing next to a friend that got shot. A funny thing happened after both my breakup and my guy getting hit... I had a unique energy that seemed to have come out of nowhere. It told me that I was just getting started in life and urged me at that time to live stronger. I never really wanted to commit suicide based on how much I wanted to get past a bad relationship and thrive, the real tell was how fast I ran when I saw and heard that gun popping off.

That's probably why I cried my eyes out and sobbed over the phone to the woman that would break me that Thanksgiving night. All I probably needed at that time was a good cry and a shoulder to help me get over the shit that life piles up at your door. And an example on how quickly I could lose everything (in that gun incident) even when I didn't have much to begin with at that time. It led me to a discovery:

I have faith in me.

I stopped believing in external things and started believing in myself. I have a deep respect for those that devote themselves to a particular ideology and truly stick to it but I believe now that we've created all of the things we hold dear to us just as much as they've created us. That attitude I took in late 05 - early 06 started to attract people and situations that would change, enhance and be a detriment to my life and my belief is that I live better now based on what has happened.

Sigh.

"The only thing that wins or causes love is personality. If you have distinctive personality, you will be loved whether you have physical beauty or not. Your personality may have flaws and not be entirely beautiful from an artistic point of view, but if you are an advancing soul, not only is somebody going to love you but in time to come everyone will love you. Love is the energy of life, and one who has more life in them attracts more love from others. Love motivates you to become a better person for those you love."

Djehuty Ma'at-Ra

There were some folk I attracted with what I wrote on my blog and publications locally with them never seeing an image of me. There were those that saw a snapshot of me on the internet or saw me at a poetry slam and just wanted a piece of me physically for no apparent reason. There were those that walked the path with me, got to know me and flat out rejected my personality and still tried to impose their will on me to ensure their own esteem only for me to turn and walk away... I never experienced that in meeting and getting to know my wife, and we've known each other for over 3 years now. The difficulty I have in being married to her exists from things that happened in the past either on her side or mine. The actions of other people from the past still in some sorts has a profound effect on our defenses and at the start of our marriage I was dealing with how other cats treated my wife and how she dealt with me as a result. I opened, she froze, she opened, I closed. Wash rinse repeat. You can't have a relationship like that, so I listened more intently because our interaction and love for each other led us to marriage and it ain't as simple as just walking away. I learned to listen again. I came off the road to be there to listen more often. She listens to me more than from day one. We still have problems with belief, tradition and practice which is more a stumbling block for her than it is for me because I wasn't raised to have emotional attachments to things that were not designed for us. You can have a birthday party or wish a million people a Merry Christmas, just don't include me in it. I believe that every day is too special not to celebrate that particular day and Christmas... Well... I'm not Christian and should be respected as such. I don't impose my will on you and I hope (even though I'm outnumbered and there is a sense of so-called tradition on your side) you don't impose your will on me. The death blow in any relationship with you is when you attempt to slide shit in on someone when that it was never part of the original agreement. So we communicate. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't and we learn to live with the results. I cannot see myself as someone married for a year, I see myself being married, taking things one day at a time as they come. All I have is today. Yesterday is gone and will never return and I can only live for today. If I get tomorrow then well... I deserve to celebrate that when it comes. There are a lot of new things in my today, even though I've been in similar situations with other people in the past. In being married I want to experience things with my other half because we made things that way. We chose each other to share all of life's moments with because we both thought that we would make the perfect companion in helping ushering in all things new and old. It's a process that shouldn't be taken lightly or for granted. There are times I wished I was still single. There are times she probably wishes the same thing. But the good times have outweighed the bad in enormous amounts and we do indeed enjoy each other, and that's what counts. The love of it all. The time spent. The new experiences that pile up and create what is to be a life spent with your partner. It's starting to pile up, the good stuff, that is and things are cool in the Ntimbanjayo household to the point where we're debating on consolidating offices and sharing space due to the baby's room eliminating the need for two offices...

Whatever, man.

It has been a long journey from back in the day.

Never Too Busy

I'm off hiatus as of this point and will have some long, drawn out reflective and self corrective stuff tomorrow. Today proves to be too busy.

And yes, I'll be talking bout' my marriage and thangs too.

One Year Married

It'a about 11:30 pm here in Chicago and I just walked in the door from a day out with my wife and family.

Today is my one year anniversary and I still don't believe that she married my triflin' ass.

And moved here too.

Like Zed said... Life seems like one big cosmic joke.

But hey, I like to laugh just like the next guy.

The Trade I've Made

I wake up.

After my shower and I shave my mirror reflects my me.
He is older.

Slower.

I try to see the wise but my mishaps, mistakes and misnomers
hide any shade of knowledge born.
I frown and feel life's pain as it shoots thru my knees.

My hands no longer straighten out.
My pinky toes are now numb

everyday.

And I realize that I lean closer to said mirror because the great
old reflection is so out of focus.

My squint gives my face a father's curious look.


I wonder about my children.


I worry about grandkids because the world I made is too cynical.
I try to cry but the ducts no longer make the tears.
It feels like my heart is heavy but that's just a slower rhythm

Maybe the blood just doesn't pump enough oxygen to my brain
My thoughts mash with my hopes.
My dreams stay fuzzy, making it hard for me to remember them

I have no focus.

All I really want is to stay alive, but sometimes...
It might be better if I can rest.
I debate the permanency of when I'll sleep and the only thing that bothers me

Is the fact that my emotions have been invested

And it's a recession

And I've been told to wait it out because...
Change gon' come.
But how long will I have to wait?
It's starting to hurt too much to be patient to trade

But I do.

Not because I'll be able to climb to the mountaintop.
Not because I will see my grandchildren get free.
Not because I'll have that spot on the porch by her.

Nope...

I'm waiting because I'll grow a year older.

With her.



written on the fly with love and wonderment of what we have 12~23~2008

Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo - Sho Nuff, Ya Dig?




Enjoy your birthday, Yobo.

Solstace Slavery and Supression

I just have a few questions:

If it wasn't created, designed or crafted for us why are we so knee deep in it?

Okay, that was really one question.


With all of the lineage, family history and DNA searches, all of the common sense issues still not addressed in our own communities and the diaspora as well as leverage not in our favor, we seem to mindlessly fade into oblivion with our identity by actively participating and promoting something not made by God's hands this time of year.

I pray for responsibility and self realization in the next week and a half.

Snow Day

Wish me with safe driving through the snow and bad traffic today. I wish everyone caught up in this mess the same. I'm sure most of you know that I hopped out of the truck some time ago and have been doing my own thing as a self employed cat for a minute now. Today is one of those days where I could just stay home (and not make any money), but I must be stronger than that.

I gotta get out in the foot of snowfall and trudge through the bad traffic because if I don't, someone else will, so for everyone else... Enjoy your snow day. This ain't like driving a tractor-trailer by any means.

Be careful and be safe playing in the snow.

Who Is Bigger Thomas And Why Does He Run Amok In Our Community?

Just because I haven't been blogging on the regular doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about things enough to say something.

I always have something to say. I care not if you agree or disagree for that matter, I just care if you've given things a little thought and really took the time to think things through which brings me to my thoughts over this past weekend:

I was listening to Joe Madison last week and a listener called in and blamed our yet to be sworn in, brand new lord and personal savior Barack Hussein Obama for all of the ills in society and for the current state of affairs in the hood and the plight of the black man. He called his highness an 'Uncle Tom'.

That's a lot for a 'Tom' to be responsible for during a presidential transition, huh?

Anyhoo, Joe responded to the caller by asking him if he knew who or what an 'Uncle Tom' is. The caller had no other words. It seems in my humble opinion that all the words this older gentleman had were the ones he had prepared for the phone call because he flowed when it was his turn to speak on a nationally syndicated radio program to about eight million listeners over XM, Sirius and terrestrial radio but stammered when it came to expressing the motivation of his opinion.

And then...

Other folk began calling Obama an 'Uncle Tom' and an elitist.

He hasn't even gained a chance of time to implement programs and policy enough to get a shoe thrown at his ass for seven and a half years of warmongering upon a surprise visit to the place he fucked up yet.

Shame.

The bigger shame is (and no pun intended) the reason people think this way and cannot form enough opinion, nevertheless an idea that could have given leverage to our people over the years causing just a small bit of freedom and equality earlier in our history are the differences between 'Uncle Tom' and 'Bigger Thomas'.

Look that up.

We don't know exactly who or what an 'Uncle Tom' is. Most of us have no earthly idea who 'Bigger Thomas' is either. Even though there have been literally millions of Bigger Thomases that have lived with us, among us and around us, we have defended the thought process, ways, beliefs and actions of this thug nigger (and I meant that in the most dictionary sense I can in calling folks names) because one, we're scare easily and two, we never snitch on our own. I never knew that most of us represent ourselves as Bigger anyway, but we do and ignorantly so.

Plus, Bigger has hooked us up a time or two monetarily, product wise, sexually and in other ways. It seems that we love Bigger Thomas even though he has destroyed our community, raped our women and killed our men and we use the name of a resilient character to describe folks that we have no agreement with in saying 'Uncle Tom' when it was him that did not talk (or snitch for that matter) on the Bigger Thomases of his day while the other 'Biggers' like Sambo tricked off for so-called freedoms. Tom long suffered for that, didn't he?

And you wonder why with over two million US prisoners half of them are black?
And even though the projects have been torn down in most American cities the hood mentality still is relevant and exists.

We preach game, but have not taken the time to learn what exactly game is here in the United States. Other cultures have come over and set up shop and have prospered as a people and we still exist in finger pointing mode after slavery was abolished.

We never took the time to learn the difference between who Bigger Thomas is and what Uncle Tom meant to us and for that we suffer. We're still pointing fingers and that diminishes our leverage amongst each other.

Imagine what other folks think? Yes, that matters in the grand scheme of the affairs we need to be solvent.

It's easy to say no to us because of inner turmoil within a people and the lack of participation of other cultures (except for what some can sell due to our influence) because they don't want turmoil involved in their shit. Racism did not disappear on November 4th.

Self hatred and a lack of understanding who we are didn't go away either.

So who and what is an 'Uncle Tom' in today's culture and why do we defend Bigger Thomas the way we do?

Boring And Normal

I never considered it a hiatus.

I damn sure wasn't on vacation.

I've been working, and it feels good to be this kind of busy.

I'm also very skeptical of certain things that have been going on in my life. Nothing political or ultra personal, I've been operating totally on my own dime (as in I hopped out of the truck, stopped driving and am skrait up self employed actually making my own hours and making actual money... Imagine that!) and things are successful, normal and steady.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, that's all.

Things can't go too good for me for much longer and so I await the epic fail. What ever it is and whenever it happens, I am ready.

I have not been inspired to blog.

Nothing to talk about, really. With ignorance and complacency at an all time high and all faith in everything being rerouted to our new lord and personal savior Barack Hussein Obama, there obviously isn't a whole lot to be worried about.

So I do my thing come home and chill. I get that option now that I control what I do, when and for how much... And I am home every night. I'm just a little miffed on why I didn't choose this years ago. I mean damn...

I feel like I wasted the last three years of my life, minus getting married and the escapades with my other half.

Life is boring and normal.

I'm starting to like boring and normal. I just hate that I just got here now.