More Monday Musings

There are some things that I have to do in the short term to make things better. Things are already as good as they can get, but I want better. My focus the past few months has been to improve both my spiritual and physical health. What I'm learning is that there is much more to getting in "life shape" than changing the way one eats and the frequency of prayer. The lord indeed helps those that help themselves, and that means positioning ones self in the right place. That might mean new job, friends and a different locale for living. I can attest that most of these things have or are happening to me right now.

Which means that I gotta keep working on stuff to keep my blessings intact. Here's some stuff that needs some changing:

I gotta eliminate 'nigger' from my vocabulary. Straight up, I use it too much and have the nerve to cringe when I hear it from other people. Paul Mooney did say: "Everybody wanna be a nigga, but nobody wanna be a nigga." I wish I could rip those words from my vocabulary and never say it again, but I can't. It flows too freely and has some meaning when I say it. I am working to wane myself off of that word. Problem is, everybody else be saying it.

I must make it important to my family that my name change is permanent and that Hassan is my name now. No one in my immediate family has recognized that I made a name change or will do so. They ridicule me in my endeavors to liberate myself from nigger mentality and feel like I'm ripping the family apart by doing such. I feel disrespected and have not communicated with them since later spring/early summer of this year. Check it, this is serious to me that my family (from Moms on down) does not see me as a man. My mother still refers to me as her child and that's so far from what I am. I've never been seen as an independent man in their eyes and they always ask me when am I coming out of the phase I'm in. I was checking my girl Taj's myspace blog and came across this:

"Y'all new niggas go and get you a little higher education and wanna kick that uppity shit to me? Go and change your name to Akbar Mustafa after reading a book and wanna kick your self righteous bullshit game on me.... Go and get you the blackest girl with the nappiest hair you can find and fuck her to Roy Ayers to make a statement to me? Wanna try an call a nigga out? Don't kick that I ain't no nigga shit to me... I was born into the struggle... Raised in it... Named for it... Breathe it daily.... Nigga please...." MC Ren, NWA - (song) Niggas With Attitude

That explains my family's stance on points one and two to a tee. I understand the connotation of a statement such as this, but I also understand that in order to break free, one must give up some of the things that seem precious to him. My grandmother named me. She's no longer here and I felt the need to move forward by removing my slave name after she passed. I'm still me. I just tweaked a few things to make me better.

I must accept that the Creator has a master plan, and I'm a part of it. Sometimes I question why I got it when I'm all up in it. I gotta learn to relax and enjoy being all up in thangs, other than that I'd be wasting my time.

I must learn to give more of myself. I'm spending more time these days researching and refining my business plan for the non profit I plan on starting. While that's going well, I still feel useless when it comes to the shorties. I guess what I gotta do is join someone else's efforts and do some work there, learn from that and apply it to mine in the future. I think that might make me feel better.

I have to embrace my best friend even more. My guy is starting to figure out that people have questioned his actions towards them upon returning from Cali after his mom passed a month and a half ago. He really clammed up and stopped communicating with a lot of people. He asked me the other day if I wanted to ride out with him Thursday to wish some holiday cheer and visit some of the homies. While my normal answer is no, I definitely have to roll because there may be a few awkward moments due to how he was treating folks a while back. I don't think he realized that he alienated a few of the homies and will probably approach them like nothing happened. I need to be there to help smooth things out. I already let him know about his stank-ness to some of the extended fam, but he doesn't believe he did anything wrong. Should be fun, right?

I must continue to display my works. I am inspired by someone that's holding my heart. Sometimes my feelings get lost in the babble when I go on and on so my poetry is minimal and to the point. I'm sure it says what I want it to without the rest of the fodder. I must learn to be more like my poetry. Short and to the point, like this one:

My heart is to be ripped from of my chest,
Because I love you that much... That you should see.

It's rhythm.

Come closer - swing your hips,
dance with me.

The rhythm is so loud and strong,
you hear that?

Damn.

Not only do I hear it but I feel you.
Your rhythm.

Move with me.

We'll take turns leading,
I'll continue to feel, and you...

You just keep giving me that vibe.
copright 2005 (like Saturday) Hassan Ntimbanjayo - And yes, I said it!!!

Enough ramblings for a Monday? I think so.

Saturday

Time spent is time spent, right?


Then why is it that I want and need more time?

It Might Be, It Could Be...

I see us, I feel balance,
we think we and see stability.
Us makes ours means investment is returned
with interest that never wanes.
Time spent cannot be wasted
cause' energy together is never exhausted.

Between us.

This I never felt before,
even in its newness this fit is righteous.
This comfort I found so soon in your spirit,
means our union won't break - Because I'm all up in it.
This moment has both reason and meaning,
firsts for us and never for anyone else.

Because I refuse to share.

copyright 2005 Hassan Ntimbanjayo - Yeah, I said it!!!



I had a dream that I had a child. Well not me, but "us". It was the first time we came together making love and the passion shared was that damn strong. I am very certain in that dream that we had that BC thing on lock, and I know that sometimes we encounter someone that has the same thoughts and cares that we do, but when two people are brought together in that manner, shit the big bang theory is redefined.

Got me writing poetry and shit.

Tossing and turning... It's damn near 3am right now.

I don't even wanna go to sleep. Like I'm gonna miss something.

Got me making plans and setting aside vacation time for next year.

Problem is, I thought I been here before. I haven't. Thought I had these thoughts before in past relationships,never have. No disrespect to those that came before, there is something very Godly that affected me in this case that never has before. And the wierdest thing to me is that I'm not afraid. That's my problem. Normally, I would have spazzed and totally destroyed things up by now, doing things to compromise what could have been. I would have ran away. It's not that I'm scared of commitment, I just didn't expect to get slapped in the face like this.

So soon, so sudden. All of a sudden there is someone that comes out of nowhere talking about dealing with my stank ass. Then I remember that I am not in charge. So I dig deep, investigate, talk and open up to the concept to see if this is a passing feeling. Dammit! It gets stronger. Oh snap, time spent together flows like we already knew each other. The vibe does not change, it actually gets stronger.

What did I do to get here? Well, I prayed, changed some things for the better (like my diet, friends and surroundings), I start to meditate and pray to gain focus and better spiritual balance and


WHAM!!!

I get delivered to someone and someone gets delivered to me as well. Like this is supposed to happen. Different backgrounds and upbringing but beliefs and goals are so similar. Faith is similar. Vibe is similar. Moved by the same things. See the same stuff while staring at the same picture at the art gallery. Finishing sentences.

I see this stuff in movies and of course, I read it. I do believe its happening, but I can't help but to question how and why it's happening to me. Not that I'm self deprecating, but damn, I thought an artist was supposed to struggle first. I thank the Almighty for delivering the only person (other than the cat that signs my check, oh and the inventor of porn - kidding, see Neena bout that) that has brought happiness (so far) in my adult life. That's a lot to say being with this in its infant stages, but damn, this cannot be wrong, because it feels so right.

She

One day I saw her from a distance

Just a glance... We made eye contact and I knew her name.

But I was afraid to let that word part from my lips, for me to say it is ritual and calling her name meant I had fallen.

I lose time in thinking of her touch.

Breathing becomes staccato when thoughs are about her.

I've only seen her once, but I thought about our grandchildren, the peace in their faces settles my soul.

Life with my soulmate was a fleeting thought, racing not to miss a train in the subway.

I can't pass through this realm to the next knowing that in a split second my life was complete with her without speaking it into existence.

Whoever she was.

I should have said something.
Copyright 2005 Hassan Ntimbanjayo - Yeah, I said it!!!



Sometimes you know things about people. Good things. Bad things too. Most of the time, you exist in a good realm with these people. But one day you say something that can change the scope of your relationship with that person if your statement goes misunderstood. That happened to me yesterday. Be clear on one thing, when you put words out in the universe, they continue to travel forever and are usually manifested in some way, shape or form. Even if not by you or your subject.

Words have the power of life and death...

Have you ever said something to or about a loved one that changed the way they looked at you?

Do you wish you could take the words back?

Did it make you feel like you were less of a person after you said it or like someone unable to understand other people's feelings, or that sometimes you just talk too damn much and get careless?

Did you apologize or did you stick by your statement?

Monday... Humbug.

I shouldn't be angry, but I am. I shouldn't complain, but I will. I'm tired, a little. I've been doing the song and dance for corporate America and some like the shuffle. Problem is, how long will I have to shuck and jive until I explode?

I mean well and need to keep the lights on like the next cat, but I swear it has to be a better way to match my timbos with my hat and jacket.

If it wasn't for the few folk that know me and love my stank ass I woulda' snapped off by now.

I need to go back to my people.

I need to be back in my element. Doing something. With them.

Father, I come to you this morning asking for your guidance. I also ask you to help me with the overstanding on why I'm here. Sometimes I feel like I have no real purpose. I know you have incredible plans for me and I know that I've lost sight. Help me regain focus Father. I need to get back on my square. I have yet to do so many things and maybe I looked too far in the future to see those things, stumbling in the process. I know you have a masterplan, help me find my role in that. I'm slipping Father and I have no rhyme or reason as to why or how I get back. I put everything in your hands and just ask to be directed, delivered and re-energized with your spirit so I can be of service and affect change.

I ask this in the names of all you've brought before me in prophet and print, in visual and in thought and in presence and in memory.

Help me.

I wish I had more time.

It's Thursday Y'all!!!

10 Favorites:
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Sport: Football
Favorite Thing to do: relaxing at the spot... or going out with friends
Favorite Month: November
Favorite Actor : Samuel L. Jackson
Favorite Actress: Sanaa Lathan
Favorite Ice Cream: New York Cherry
Favorite Drink: Vitamin Water: Orange
Favorite Place: Montego Bay, Jamaica
Favorite Song: Someday We'll All Be Free - Donnie Hathaway

9 Currents:
Current Feelings: Excited and energetic (just got another job offer)
Current hairstyle: Locks, in a pony-tailed ball, bandana
Current Windows Open: Bedroom
Current Drink: Water with juiced lemons, molasses with a touch of cayenne pepper (lemonade fast, day 5)
Coffee Current Time: 9:57 am
Current Mobile(s) Used : Sprint PCS
Current Show on TV: TV off
Current Thought: I got another job... Oh I think they like me, Oh I think they like me
Current Clothes: shirtless, black Nike basketball shorts, flip flops

8 Firsts:
First Nickname: Squirrelhead (what my Pops used to call me... What!?!)
First Kiss: Angie...
First Crush: Gail Beatie
First Computer: Radio Shack TSR 80
First Job: Vacuum kid at a car wash
First Movie I watched: Shit, I can't remember... My earliest memory THX 1138
First Pet: A black Lab named 'Husky'
First Shave: I was 16 and on the way to church... What's that? Dammit I gotta shave, can't go out like that (uneven growth all over my grill).

7 Lasts:
Last Chai: Vanilla about 2 weeks ago
Last Movie: He Got Game
Last Time I Drove: two weekends ago... Very nice weekend. Better than nice. Greater than better.
Last Time Shaved: Monday
Last Web Site Visited: www.allhiphop.com
Last Software Installed: Re-Installed Windows Monday
Last Pill I Had: Don't remember

6 Have You Evers:
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes, I speed, therefore I am.
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Of course, been a minute though
Have You Ever Climbed a Tree: I kinda climbed a tree in DC at the Millions More Movement to get a good camera shot.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Yes... It was good too. I'll never do that again.
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire or Bomb Blast?: 5 years in the Army, participated in conflicts in Panama and the Persian Gulf. Was in Dharhan when barracks were bombed, lost 2 friends. Witnessed 2 people get murdered less than 3 feet in front of me as a teenager. Got brain and skull fragments in my hair and on my clothes both times. You figure that out.
Have You Ever Broken anyone's Heart: Yes, and I'm sorry.

5 Things:
Things You Can Hear Right Now: Lords of the Underground - "Chief Rocka"

Things on Your Computer Table: Speakers, unorganized paperwork, 2 cell phones, unopened can of cashews, digital camera, a few books and a videotape (don't know what's on it or where it came from. Note: I haven't had a VCR since 1999)

Things You Ate Today: A serving of my lemonade concoction.

Things in Mind: My Moms, the financial offer made by a potential employer, my bills.

Things you want to say to him/her: We should elope and figure it out as we go along.

4 Places You Have Been Today: Bathroom, Mailbox, Kitchen, Workstation

3 People You Can Tell Anything To: Deah, Tamenika, Cassina... Not in any order.

2 Choices: *Black or White: White * Hot or Cold: Hot!

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die: Be married in love.

Wednesday's Haunt

Today is going to be a weird day.

Today is my Aunt's birthday. She passed on September 13 last year. It's been more than a year since and I haven't really gotten over the fact that one of the people closest to me is no longer here for me to bother.

My Mom's has been taking it the hardest. She called my ex on Sep 13 this year because she got stuck. She got to my stepdad's job and couldn't get out of the car thinking about her baby sister. Moms and I haven't spoken since June, I think and she called my ex because she thought we were still together and wanted to hear my voice. To her credit, my former 'talked her down' and calmed her. I dread thinking about how she'll be today. I had thoughts to go to the cemetery and pay respects, on second thought, I really don't want to be that close to the homes of other family members. I have no words for them and also dread the day we cross paths. Funny, Moms, 2 aunts and my sister live within walking distance of the cemetery. I'll choose another time to visit and do my thing, today I'll pray, meditate and reminisce.

I'm 3 days down on my fast. I'm irritable, achy and not the person you really want to have convo with at the local coffee house... I am unbelievably euphoric and I don't know why. Just no convo please.

Why is it when you establish something with someone that you think is solid that person turns away from you and runs away? Why is it after you reluctantly break that part of your life off emotionally that person wants to return like shit didn't happen? Irks me, that's all.

Terrell Owens talks too damn much.

Karma, bitches. Understand and get over it.

A state of emergency has been declared in France. How much you wanna bet that the 'anti nigga machine' goes into effect now. Still ain't up huh? In a nutshell:


Black folks have had enough of being treated like second class citizens and have rebelled against the French government. Didn't see much of the 60's footage of the Civil Rights Movement? A replay of fire hoses and German shepherds will occur with subtitles in a moment. You must've thought we were free over there to not know. I guess we'll never say anything while our cousins are getting their asses whipped. Thanks for saying nothing, you just validated the fact that they are second class.

Who got a recipe for meatless Thanksgiving dressing? I'm throwing down at the crib and I need some help. Oh, my guest list has less than 3 people on it, so most of the dressing is for me.

I also need suggestions for breading for my fish fry that does not involve white flour.

Pray for me. I applied for a job at a non profit and I really want this job. More than the other ones I already secured. I'll get a chance to work with the shorties as a job placement specialist. I'll also get a chance to get some talented folk both young and old in industrial, plumbing and construction training programs right in the hood. To do that for a living would be a dream come true for me. I want so bad to be back in the belly of the beast rebuilding. I feel so useless working in cubicle city. I know I can connect with my fellow Hip Hoppas and do some good. I know we can come together and plug in those missing components the community is sorely missing. I hate the fact that I gotta go to neighborhoods outside of mine for simple shit, quality shopping and a good meal. I'm so close. I wrote this passionate ass cover letter and hope it opens the eyes of those that make the decisions on who gets the position. Pray. Please. I really, really want this job.

I got a feeling that something special is about to happen to me. I wish I could get a preview.

It's Tuesday Already?

Whaddup fam!

I noticed how difficult it's been for some in the blogfam to continue with fresh posts. Yeah, the holidays are approaching and work is starting to pick up, family is beginning to demand more and one must prepare for all kinds of wild and interesting scenarios that will undoubtedly blogged about, but I can't wait til' that happens! Let us know how you're coping with the change of season, what vacation plans you got and what's cracking for Thanksgiving and them early Christmas plans. This is supposed to be infoshare and therapy for most of us, and I'm sure we'd all like to know how we do what we do to get thru all of this to the new year.

I originally planned to fly out and spend Thanksgiving week alone, sipping on a few drinks and getting all spa'd out, but those plans have changed. I understand and appreciate what Thanks giving is, but I had no plans to go over someone's house and pick thru their aunt's potato salad. I don't normally keep tabs with my family and, I have no plans to pick up the phone and make arrangements to be all up and thru any of their houses. I have problems with fakeness. If a brother can't get respect on the 4th of July, what makes one think that he will on turkey day?

Them folks don't even respect me nevertheless know how to pronounce my name... And I made flash cards for they ass!

But I have been convinced to stay home though. Maybe I can compromise and sit at someone else's family table and feel welcome. Maybe as a stranger I can finally get my name pronounced correctly and be respected for my beliefs and values instead of constantly being ridiculed and second guessed. Maybe the feeling of confidence and that look of pride can be shared by someone not biased by ignorance and the undefined rules of infighting. I don't think a stranger will laugh and load up my plate with pork and beef even though I tell em' that I'm vegetarian. That same stranger won't stress me to play it safe and stay in corporate Amerikkka and encourage me to abandon my non profit organization because it sounds unstable to them. Hell, it sounds like I might like it with a bunch of strangers if that's the case. I won't have to snap off and act up in front of the shorties because their parents have issues with me. Yeah, that might be worth staying for...

Other than saving a few bucks, I guess I'll use my vacation cash to remodel my place. I've been spending more time at home and I need an infusion of comfort, so I got some ideas. My job situation has worked itself out, I ended up snagging two jobs. Along with songwriting and getting my fall photog shots it seems to be a busy last to first quarter


*I hit another writer's block thingee and it might be due to my fast.
*I need new tracks, the stuff I'm coming up with is borderline wack.
*I wanna buy a new car, but don't want a high ass payment. Dealerships are on my ass right now.
*I am really feeling Earth, Wind and Fire's new album. Good to hear Maurice sing lead again.
*Little Brother is holding it down right now.
*Why aren't more people up on Quasimoto?
*Haven't heard a single quote from 'us' about our brothers and sisters rioting in France.
*Do you care?
*I guess Clarence Thomas is the quota when it comes to brown on the Supreme Court.
*It's not George Bush... Congress and the Senate changed the parameters of the new tax bill.
*Excluding the president, all of capitol hill is up for election in 2006. Quit blaming Bush.
*If GW hasn't vetoed anything coming out of DC, then who's fault is it? YOU voted for that.



You are Morpheus, from "The Matrix." You
have strong faith in yourself and those around
you. A true leader, you are relentless in your
persuit.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla




HOLY OBVIOUS BATMAN! Don'tcha hate that tag-a-long
Robin? You're such a loner. You like the night
and you wanna keep it that way. You're a
superhero..But..Well..You don't have any supper
powers really..BUT YOU'RE RICH! And
Brooding..And Tim Burton MESSED UP every thin
with those stupid movies! Its okay, Batsy..I
still love ya


Which superhero are you? (This is for the boys)
brought to you by Quizilla

Get thru today... Wednesday is easier, and closer to the end of the week. See you then?

Friday Ramblings

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.4
Mind:	8.4
Body:	7.1
Spirit:	9.6
Friends/Family:	4.9
Love:	7.7
Finance:	4.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Sometimes you stumble upon it, other times it's delivered in a non-descript package... It's what you do with it when you get it is what counts.

What am I going to do with it? I got it and I don't want to let go.



Random shit on this early Friday morning...

So I go and hear some poetry and stumbled across this sister who blew one of her pieces earlier that night. She had a table with CDs of her work right at the front door, her and her guy were selling beautiful artwork as well. As much as I tried to get out the door without buying anything, I plopped seven bucks down for a 5 song EP. Took it home, listened to it and

bang.

zoom.

The sister raided my mind when she wrote it. I've been sick ever since. Wanna hear it? Let me know, maybe I'll break you off a piece.

I wasn't supposed to tell, but I'm meat free these days. Nothing but fish as far as meat is concerned. Feels good too. Didn't think so, but I'm glad I gave on the moo and oink. Oh yeah, the cluck too. Good riddance as well.

I gotta get up the nerve to get at my man Jabari and ask him to join the music project. The lyrics are still flowing thru me and I feel good about the product we're releasing on a minute.

My break away from work has been productive. The brother put the resume out there and got bombarded by credible, great paying offers. I am humbled as hell to know that corporate America as well as a bunch of non-profit organizations want me so badly. Still working on my own non-profit though...

I wish I could tell a friend how concerned I am for that person's life. Things are being done that could jeopardize everything that person stands and lives for right now. I hate the fact that people can hear you but will not listen until some drastic shit occurs. I was told by a loved one that it isn't my job to warn that person of impending danger. That means I gotta watch some tragic shit happen right in front of me.

I planned on getting to either Aruba or Hawaii the week of Thanksgiving, and now I'm not going. Some of y'all know that I don't believe in the whole holiday bullshit, so it's hard for me to participate or be around fake ass people smiling and spending but are actually depressed and broke. I can't comprehend how as we as African descendants can just willingly give in to the Eurocentric way of life and feel fufilled about it. Whatever. I live in the matrix, and most of my people are asleep. Anyway, I lost $150 that I really need in canceling my reservations a few days ago. Someone convinced me that staying here is much more important than vacating this year. I'm eager to be proven different.


I'm working on the blackisms site, loading it with audio and video from performances and new stuff. We also have that cool ass t-shirt as seen here yesterday that one will be able to buy. Support black business by picking up an Underground Movement tee.

A portion of the proceeds will go to the Millions More Movement Katrina Relief Fund. People still need assistance. People are still displaced and are homeless. Nothing has been rebuilt. There are still 2500 people, mostly children still listed as missing, which means that parents are still in a state of shock.

Just doing my part... In this survey!!!

A - Age:34 (for real?)
B - Best Friends: Troy and Deah, not in any particular order
C - Choice of Meat: Salmon
D - Dream Date: Me and Jayne Kennedy at that table in the back, sipping wine and laughing about something.
E - Exciting Adventure: Skydiving (after that, orgasms are boring as hell)
F - Favorite Food: Granny Grand's mac and cheese
G - Greatest Accomplishment: waking up this morning
H - Happiest Day of Your Life: October 15, 2005 in the midst of the Millions More Movement... proved to me that black folk can have and be at peace. I'm stil moved.
I - Interests: writing stuff, reading other people's stuff, composing music, a real black girl.
J - Joke: not enough space and too damn vulgar... but it's good. Okay, okay, I got one: the black man's freedom in America.
K - Kool-Aid: Red. Orange too.
L - Love: love itself, my family, Ladybug and Sylvester
M - Most valued possession: My health
N - Name: Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo
O - Outfit You Love: t-shirt, shorts, sandals
P - Pizza Toppings: spinach, cheese and mushrooms
Q - Question Asked To You the Most: "How did you get your hair like that?"
R - Radio Station: Public or Paid (XM or Sirrius)
S - Sport: Football
T - Television Show: check this: Girlfriends... I said it!!!
U - Umbrella in the rain?: Nope, never owned an umbrella
V - Video: Trapped in the Closet, nah I'm playing... a tie between 'Scenario' (A Tribe Called Quest) and 'Buddy' (De La Soul). Both are Native Tounge collabos and features the whole family (Quest, De La, Monie Love Latifah, Leaders of the New, Jungle Bruz, Sha Kim, etc). Luvs the Unity. And the tracks too. De La's 'Stakes is High' comes in a close second. They got Maury Povich in the vid and no paternity test results! New members of the Native Tounge collective pop up (mostly Common, Black Sheep, Chi Ali, Bush Babees, Mighty Mos).
W - Winter: right here in the Chi
X - X-rays recently?: September (fell at work, embarrasingly carted out)
Y - Year Born: 1971
Z - Zodiac Sign: Aries-Taurus (born on the cusp)

What the hell are you doing?

This weekend, that is?

It's almost fun to record again.

And yes, I'll load up a few cuts on the blackisms site.

Soon.

More food on my plate, but I ain't full...

I am really feeling the creative bug now. It definitely hit as my time and schedule opened up. I love the fact that the change of season is affecting me in a good way as well. As I never get sick or catch a cold, I welcome the cold weather months with open arms and the desire to really lay down some soulful ish during all this downtime at the crib.

I hollered at my guy Mornin Man and after careful consideration him and I have reassembled our old rap outfit the 'Underground Movement'. We recorded a bunch of soulful, militant material from 1993 to 2000, but I retired from the game feeling irrelevant and out of touch lyric wise. It's 2005 and the one thing I never stopped was work on phrasing and breath control. I'm a better lyricist, and after listening to some of the stuff we recorded back then it seems fitting that we drop some new joints as well as the old on these shorties lacking knowledge of self thinking Hip Hop's sole purpose is to inform them on new ways on getting illegal paper and turning that ish around and tricking it off on booty. We gotta do something.

Bambaata raised me better than that.

Kool Herc would not be proud.

As a purveyor of the mixtape, the Cold Crush Brothers would be ashamed.

Moe Dee taught me that God made me funky.

Lawrence Parker schooled me on edutainment.

It's go time...

We discussed releasing new material, so I'm writing it. We should be dropping a CD in the next few... whatever. There's even talk of going to a major to get the project released. I've always been against a record deal, but something tells me to go ahead and just do it and see what happens. As a writer, I'm not willing to give my stuff away like the neighborhood bustdown, unaware that independent labels and methods of self publishing exist. Maybe we need a label to push our stuff right now, and with me having so many other irons in the fire there seems to be a need for a major to assist with marketing and distribution. Plans this weekend include to pursuing my man Bari (Urfman to you) to contribute as a member of the group. We need balance and I think having a partner on the mic will give our endeavors some added hotness, a different aspect of thought materialwise and keep us both sharp. Dude is a dope ass emcee and I believe wordplay between the two of us would be on some next level ish.

Already started, and it's feeling good right now.

Man, I'm like 6 songs deep already. Who got hotter beats?

Oh, did I mention that my weekend so far is super nice?

More Serious than Steady B

see my eyes and know how serious I am...
and the fact that I haven't shaved!!!




It's funny how things happen in your life. Like how you have conversations with someone about something, and it manifests. Things are happening like that for me. I see that I got a little too deep about the Millions More Movement for some, whenever I get non response I usually blow it off, but I did a litle track backing and found that a lot of people actually came thru (thank you) but only some of the homies actually spoke on how they felt. What I was trying to say was:

My life has changed.

It is still changing.

I wanted you to know.

I also wanted you to know why and what I planned on doing about it.

I planned to write a whole series on the movement and how it affected my life, but I see I got to keep it gully with y'all. This is the only outlet for my outbursts... never mind.

I bring this blog entry to you today from the batcave. That's right, I'm home early due to me getting fired. That's right good friends, as a result of having bad information and passing said info on to the client, a brother got the axe. It's cool, now I can flip the night job into day work and still get free cable (think, exactly what is that second job?). I'm already taking calls from candidate corporations that'll make me think about keeping the tech support gig on the overnight shift.

I am very happy this day. I feel that with all that has happened to me in the past couple of months and weeks that this was supposed to happen to get me closer to where the Creator needs me to be. I have a whole new way of seeing things, a whole new group of friends, associates and contacts that makes me I feel that I have been directed to move torwards a way of life that corporate America cannot help me provide for. I'm going and not looking back, I got shorties waiting that need me right now.

I'm tripping (in a good way) on how when God wants you to do something, he puts you right there and we start adjusting, fighting things if you will. We are so afraid of the unknown and change that we resist the direction and blessings that are planned for us. I had a dream that I'd lose my job right after I complained about not having enough time to dedicate to establishing my non profit.

Presto/change-O !!!

I have the time. Funny how resources popped up as well. What is also funny as hell but real in it's scope, the fact that God has delivered someone to hold my hand and travel down this new path without worry. I'm flabbergasted... but not worried. More on that later.

It's More Than a March... It's a Movement

I have been moved by the spirit of the Millions More Movement. Moved enough to explore myself that much deeper. I encountered tons of folks that really gave me that love vibe, I also ran into some that had the 'nigger mentality". These people attended the march, but spent most of their time nitpicking and criticizing the event and speakers. I will not go any deeper on these folks; they do not deserve my time, energy or words.

I will examine myself to see what nigger qualities I have so I can rid them. Stay with me here, this might get ugly...


Freedom cannot be utilized by a nigger except as an opportunity to destroy himself and be an obstacle to the progress of Black people. Niggers view freedom as something to be feared because freedom is about taking responsibility for one's behavior, one's future and one's destiny.

I thought that moving out of the city would be freedom to me. I see that I failed in my thinking that moving away would cure my ills. I need my people, and I need to interact and give back to the community that raised me. The fact that I earn a good wage and I should recycle my dollar back into the hands of those that support me service wise is evident. I have a responsibility to those that gave to me. I must move back to the city to build, not separate and destroy.

A conscious nigger is a person that realizes that nigger mentality is a sickness passed down from slavery, but is too lazy or apathetic to struggle against it. Conscious niggers have given up on struggle and have deemed it easier to live by maintaining a close relationship with hard core nigger values.

For 3 years, I have watched the struggle of my people and have been critical, but have not moved to offer my hand. This as right now has ceased. I already crafted a plan to go into business for myself, and am also crafting a business plan to start a non profit organization. I will no longer keep my talent to myself. I will no longer sit on the sideline and watch us struggle, knowing that if I don't mobilize and get into action there will be no example to follow.

Nigger consumers never consider the power of the dollars they spend. They never consider making it a priority to support black businesses. Nigger consumers never consider the importance of saving or developing financial discipline. They don't use their dollars to support Black institutions, such as Black colleges and universities. Nigger consumers want to appear affluent by purchasing items like expensive cars that they cannot afford instead of saving money to purchase a home or invest in a business.

By leaving the big city and residing in the suburbs, I can literally see where my dollars go. I offend myself for letting things get this far. I am now saving funds to purchase a home next year, so I am more conscious than ever as to where my dollars go. I let go of my new car earlier this year and purchased a hooptie with cash. I have since fixed and continue to custom out my ride, thing is, I still do not come close to the damn near $1300 monthly I was spending in note, insurances and fuel costs. That was more than my rent! I opened up 2 investment accounts, and plan on having a business opened in the hood by second quarter 2006. My nigger mentality on spending money is what drove me out of the hood, and I used to wonder why it looked the way it does. Silly me. I never invested there, so it cannot grow.

Religious niggers naively believe that they are seen by the world as just a believer in their religion, but most people take into account one's race before his or her religion. People would respect them more if they knew that they loved and followed their religion but also loved and supported their people.

I have no platform when it comes to subscribing to religion. I have been Catholic, Baptist, a member of the Nation of Islam, and flirted with the Nation of the Gods and the Earths. I am no longer a member of any of these faith based organizations. There have been some that I even distanced myself from over the years. I believe in the Creator and all that he has given us. I have studied and respect many a religion and have no beef with any philosophy. I go to church, mosque and synagogue to learn and celebrate. I never gave thought to working with people of other faiths until I saw how we came together Saturday. It is imperative that I establish connections with my people and others that are struggling to uplift and make us stronger. The African Diaspora is vast in cultures, I need to make a better attempt to learn and understand as well as work with those that may look like me and those that do not. I just got the fact that the Native American, Latin, Asian and European man have a lot more to do with my culture and why I'm here than I originally thought.

I have to make sure that my Godly ways inside manifest themselves outwardly. I must become more aware of my purpose and the specific actions I must perform to be an asset to my people.

The call to establish various ministries that Minister Farrakhan spoke of has been forged in my memory. The sound of his voice resonates in my psyche and I'm stepping forward to do my part in establishing my part in the movement.

I just need to escape my niggerisms first.

Highlighted text are observations of nigger mentality as seen by CC Blackman

Me at the Millions More Movement

I really wish that I could put this experience into words.

I am still knee deep in emotion and have been assigned a newer sense of purpose.

I knew that the Creator blessed us that attended with the ability to fellowship, but at this level... Wow.

I am saddened that I went alone, but I am glad that I experienced so much in a small frame of time by myself. I had something to learn. Mission accomplished.

At the beginning of last week, I had plans to roll out to DC. I was renting a van or truck and had confirmation that at least 3-5 of the fam was rolling, complete with child. I was pumped up. I'm like ROAD TRIP!!!

Tuesday came and it looked like I was still rolling with 2 others. By the time Thursday night rolled around, I haven't heard from my last traveling buddy, so I booked a flight that Friday morning, dreading how much more I was gonna pay.

I hot one of those discount sites and booyah! I got a fare. I got to DC for less than $150 round trip, and had the hotel option that would put me right at $200. Sweet.

I lived in the area back in my Military days, and when I got off the plane, everything came back to me. I was home again, but something was wrong. I was alone and I felt it. I noticed that it wasn't as crowded as I remember or what I expected it to be. The airport bus let me off at 7th and D Street, and I couldn't even hear anything. I was pissed.

I whip out the camcorder and started talking to this sister who went to the University of Maryland but had a little trouble navigating. We had convo... It was cool. I gave her some directions after we broke ice about her father's art. Cute too... wait, not my mission, but all of a sudden I started to feel better about being alone.

I came with a backpack and one of those lawn chairs that folds and fits in a shoulder strap bag. I outfitted myself with 2 days of energy bars and ready to drink protein shakes. I had 2 changes of clothes and my gear for the club as well as all of my necessary supplies. All of this stuff fit in there with ease and wasn't heavy. I was ready to roll. I had my digital cam and a camcorder and I had damn near 300 exposures to use and 3 available hours of video. I was ready. Or was I?

So I get to the mall on 7th and it felt like getting out of a freezer into 100 degree heat.

People.

Were.

Everywhere.

And we just kept coming and coming. I was immersed in all this blackness and love. That's the first real thing I noticed was the love. Brothers and their tightly wound cornrows and flowing fros. Sisters and their locks, braids, beads and oils. Headwraps and bandanas, wristbands and sandals. All kinds of cloth, from silk, to chenille to mudcloth. Cowry shells to barrettes. All of these people had love in thier hearts and I was overwhelmed by it all.

Never in my life have I shook so many hands, gave that much dap, gave and received so many hugs to and from people that I did not know. Never have I engaged in conversation with children, peers and elders that went on and on about the struggle and triumphs of being brown. I held and played with babies that just came out of nowhere. I was struck by the love. I secretly wished that it would never end. Or at least happen every weekend.

The Black Panther Party for Self Defense represented. Hard. In large numbers. I was impressed with their discipline and focus, and to know that they congregated from all over the country and assembled in DC as a show of unity and force is dammed impressive. I was frozen in fear and awe just seeing that many of my Native brothers and sisters, and when their Chief Speaker laid the smackdown on the crowd promoting unity with the Blackman and telling us in the same breath that he respects our faith in Allah and God, but it was time to put all the praying in the background and put actions we pray to have the strength about into action, I knew we have the O Dog to out Caine. To see our Native cousins celebrate with us was amazing. I felt the spirit mend whatever differences we had and re-marry us in a ceremony that had a lot of cool ass guests.

I must have walked from the Capitol lawn to the Washington Monument at least 5 times in an effort to snap as many photos as possible. I was stopping people on their way and asking them their name and where they were from so I could get my own video roll call. I must've stopped at least 100 folks and asked them all kinds of questions, everyone was wide open for fellowship and convo, like trying to get to know cousins at the family reunion. You know what I noticed? Even the kids were cool. I didn't see one instance of a parent correcting his/her child. Must've been the vibe.

I was amazed on how the crowd latched onto Tavis, took in Cornel West's short verse. We cheered Marion Berry and his wife. Susan Taylor looked radiant and got an oooh from the guys when they put her on the jumbotrons. She was rocking that pink! Russell Simmons got a rousing ovation when he spoke of financial preparedness, but the party got started when Wyclef came out. Dude rocked the freestyle in French and En Espanola and hit us with a little carnival. I'm dancing with strangers.

Erykah came out and chastised us.

We needed that.

From her.

Minister Farrakhan's daughter intro'ed him with the same fire he has.

The crowds kept coming. The later it got, the more people came. Some of us seemed to have learned our lesson in past years. Everybody knew that the Minister would speak at a certain time, even though he was scheduled a little late. Guess what, they bumped India.Arie and his wife to get him onstage before sunset. I've been to many o sporting event in my day, but I never heard a crown roar when the jumbotrons showed Minister Farrakhan approaching the podium with his security detail.

I know that this is standard for the Minister, but the way his entrance happened was badass.

I got sooooo much more to let go...

Haven't even started on politics and bullshit...

VANGLORIOUS!!!

I felt like royalty at the Millions More Movement.

Check the pics over to your right

We'll talk all about it after I get some much needed rest.

I wish you could've come with me.

One Day At The Market

He's shopping, getting groceries and being consumed in himself at the same time. For some strange reason, this is the time to rearrange and purge files in his mental rolodex, unaware of the surroundings; the thought process goes from tuna to taxes in mere seconds. He is being watched.

The irony of him in the produce isle being viewed won't hit him until his drive home, as he measures fruits, melons and such he is also being measured. Eyes meticulously segmenting characteristics and visible flaws, putting them in their respective bins. It's determined that he not average, slicker than your average maybe. He seems comfortable in this environment and purposeful in gathering what he wants. He has no visible list, but is observed looking upward, eyes rolling up and to the right. His knows what he wants and is very direct in getting it. He goes right where he needs to go and move towards his next item without haste.

Is he being judged based on the selections in his cart? Maybe. She knows that he is oblivious to the external at this moment, and his method and meaning can be determined just by watching him shop. She watches him walk down lanes measuring his strength, observes his thought process as he sorts through various fruits and vegetables and critiques the manner of how he carries himself. She's measuring him for more than a conversation; she had already given thought to much more. Her though process lingers on what kind of morning vibe he'll give upon arising after a standard night of dinner, chores, pillow talk and spooning each other to fall asleep.

She knows that she cannot answer all of her questions without interaction. Her satisfaction of the unspoken need is being met through voyeurism. She needs to hear his voice so a plan must me made to make him speak. She needs to make eye contact in order to see how he addresses a woman. She needs to know how he would treat his mother from how she is to be addressed. At this point she knows that the method of his touch can either make her either physically ill or remarkably wet depending on his method, so her approach is calculated. Time is always a factor so she must act before he finishes gathering all of the items on his list.

He makes his way to the dairy freezer and grabs a half gallon of skim milk. "Good" she thinks. Small bags of veggies, lots of grains and skim milk as well as an empty left ring finger not only means he lives alone but that he's also conscious of his body. She notices that his shirt is tucked in and that his belt is carefully lined with the zipper of his jeans. Yes, she's peeping the bulge. His wears an openly unzipped windbreaker top matching both his jeans and shoes. "Neat" she's thinking. "An organized man. He is aware of how he's seen. Outgoing".

She walks up to the opposite freezer door looking to make eye contact through the glass, thus keeping distance and getting close enough to really experience his vibe. She was not prepared to take in his scent. It freezes her in a manner that one would enjoy, but would also be embarrassed because she was giving a blank stare into an open freezer, and she wasn't checking milk expiration dates.

It wasn’t because he made eye contact and spoke on the other side of the glass that she couldn’t hear him, she was too fixated on the thickness and moistness of his lips to make out any words coming out of them. He showed concern as he closed the door and made his way to her. She didn’t move. He came closer. She couldn’t breathe. His arm extended to her as he continued to speak valuable, but inaudible words…

Getting Grown... Continued

Click Me! Buy Me!



Wow, I'm Learning a lot about what brought some of us over the threshold into adulthood. Thank you for posting. There is such convo and infosharing as well as rants and raves so I'm going to let this marinate for another day. Feel free to continue to comment. Use these questions to really question yourself and motivations. I also threw a few new questions in the mix because of the responses I got so far. I'm glad we got this chance to open up and reveal whats inside of some of us...


When I was a child, I spoke as a child, because I understood as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.

What do you know about being grown?

When did you make the decision to no longer deal with business or personal matters that did nothing but propagate childish behavior?

When did you decide to handle your business like a grown ass man or woman financially?

What did it take to help you realize that your surroundings had more to do with you living immature than hanging around those that constantly acted that way?

What and whom have you outgrown, and why does it hurt (a little) to not be able to say anything because you know they have to have their "A-HA!!!" moment?

When did your wardrobe and speech change?

Your eating habits?

Your choices of entertainment?

And... Why does it feel good to be grown right now?

*NEW QUESTIONS*

When did it become very serious to have a spiritual base in your newfound adulthood?

How did your views on sex and relationships change when you got grown?

You only get one real friend in life. How does that person play in your mental, physical and emotional state as it pertains to getting grown?

How broke and restricted are you right now in your growness? Or is that vice versa?

Are you anywhere NEAR the goals you set for yourself when you did childish things?

What will it take for you to truly be where you are in your life, and why haven't you acted sooner?

The Apostle Paul spoke those words, he was speaking of his growth both as a man and of his faith. When one makes the decision to be a grown ass man or woman, everything changes.

Everything, 'knowwhatimsaying?

Speak on it then.

cute, ain't it?

Have a good Monday, I'll blog later.

good to be back, thanks!

Edgewater - Redux



It's Thursday, and this is the first chance I had to actually sit, read my email and go thru my daily reads in the black blogosphere. I feel better now that I've had a chance to catch up.

I also ended the fast, well at least the food portion for now. I am as weak as I thought when it comes to abstaining from certain foods, and it was certain things that broke my will like:

cheese - What the hell is up with cheese and why did I have to actually go out and buy some damn cheese to put on sandwiches that I wasn't eating in the first place? Yes, I ate plain cheese singles for no apparent reason. I had to have them.

snickers bars- I just went to the machine in the lower bowels of my building and just bought one. And ate it. Damn, I am a chocolate ass punk.

cheese pizza - the grease, the crust, the... to hell with IT"S STILL PIZZA!!! Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.

alcohol - I had a drink (beer) for the first time in damn near a month. It was like I didn't care.

As far as making time for prayer and meditation, that worked out amazingly well. I also make time in the morning to do my stretch thing and that makes some of the fake and repaired body parts feel good at 2 in the afternoon. I noticed that although I totally destroyed the food portion of my fast, I feel calm and relaxed and I feel some of my fears slowly slipping away.

I've been able to have conversations with those I haven't been able to speak with.

I've been financially blessed.

I feel like I’m coming out of certain fears to approach people/opportunities that will enhance my thang (I can hear that Heavy D song - diddly, diddly, diddly, diddly diddly dee!). I know that I'm talented; it's the end result of utilizing my talent that used to scare me. Knowing that I might have to move away/on/forward from people/places/things in order to get the exposure/contacts I need to further my thang makes me hesitant. I guess I've been afraid of change, but change is good, right?

I think other than me slipping on the food thing; my focus is right where it needs to be. I plan on mapping my food thing out IN WRITING and working towards both abstinence and elimination with steps. I'll get back on my horse in the next week or two, but right now, I'm prepping for DC.

I AM SO JACKED ABOUT BEING IN DC NEXT WEEKEND!!!

I wish we all could go. I also wish more of us knew about all of the functions and fellowshipping that will be going on in DC next week. A couple of people asked me what was doing next week, and I was like (blank stare) "The Millions More March. Wha... you didn't know? Damn homie, I wish we could travel out there together cause' I'm rolling by myself."

Yes, I'm going to DC alone. If it weren't for me chronicling everything and blogging it for those that can't attend, I'd cancel my trip. Yes, I want to be in that number, but I really didn't want to go alone. Oh well, enjoy the pictures...

I'm tired, and I wanna go home....

Enjoy the freaked version of "Edgewater". I like this better than the original photo. I'm using this method to do other joints too... Whatcha think?

I Can See The Pizza Spot From Here!!!

I have had the worst problems ever with my home computer. My monitor went out Saturday afternoon and I had some systems issues once I rigged up some stuff (and a borrowed monitor) Matrix style. My workspace looks like the hull of the Nebucanezzer. I really want to tell y'all about the first couple of days of my fast, but that will be another day. I'm currently blogging from work, and that is sooooooo frowned upon. So until tomorrow, enjoy this pic from the city set I took this past July. That is the northside of Chicago in a neighborhood called Edgewater. I use to live there. The shot is facing east towards Lake Michigan from the same train tracks I fired the last pic from. Felt like Ramo from Beat Street that day.

Leaving work early to visit my lawyer, gotta handle my business.

I hit y'all from the hull of my ship later.

Peace and Blessings in the name of the Most High.

Oh yeah, it's gonna be on in DC!!! (you know who you are!)

Don't Miss That Train

I shot this back in July when I was considering coming back to the city.

One of the things I miss about the concrete and steel is the sound of the train.

One day I might go back and sample that. Put it in one of my records or something.

Get on a train this weekend.

Go somewhere.

See something.

Be with people. Yeah... Fellowship

I plan to.

What are YOU doing this weekend?

This weekend I am planning to fast. I am not pleased that the beginning of the month falls on a weekend. My best friend is coming back to the area after spending a few weeks in Cali, his mother passed away and he had to handle his B.I. I'm sure there's a toast to two that's going to be thrown in Mother's honor. I have to find a way to abstain...

I think I wanna give that up altogether. It's not like I have an "adult beverage" all the time anyway. It's like every now and then I have a beer or something and when I do it seems to really knock my ass out (the hard stuff anyway, and plus, I got my fill back in my Army days).

I'm hanging out this weekend with the crew, and I plan on snapping up some pre-fall outdoor shots for the portfolio. Hanging out with these cats and kittens is gonna be rough, they like to eat. And drink. And be merry. I guess this will be a test for me. I'm not worried right now, but then again I'm not seated at the restaurant trying to find the vegan section of the menu...

About the fast. Basically, I'm passing on red meat and alcohol (that's easy). I also plan to stay away from foul and concentrate on fish and vegetables. No eating after 6pm and I plan on getting in at least 5 miles on the road (not the gym, I need to get out in it instead of simulating it) before work. Prayer and meditation twice daily at a minimum (I have sooo slipped in that category). I plan on reading one book a week that will help me improve self, and putting half my salary away to pay stagnant bills. That's right, no X-Box 360. That's okay, expensive time waster anyway.

I've been having the urge to contact an old friend, been that way for over a month. We were an item, and then we weren't. I think she's hurt. There is a soul tie from long ago. I'm not sure if I should contact her. I'm afraid. Fasting and prayer will probably enhance what I feel I need to do. She is a friend and I would want nothing more than to just hear her say "I'm okay".

Enough for now, I wanna enjoy my Friday.

Enjoy yours.

Exactly what is black entertainment?

So I'm watching the BET Comedy Awards last night (okay, I was actually flipping... Commander In Chief didn't hold me) and I came across one of my favorite funnymen Mr. Paul Mooney. Paul rehashed his "Nigga Wake Up Call" 2005 skit for 2005; you see it brought down the house as the "Coon Awards" at last year's show. Lil' Kim, Oprah, Michael Jackson all got it from his militant, but brutally funny ass. He basically hit all of the recent snafus and transgressions that the celebs went through and let them know that it was their "Crash" moment (like Michael Brown blaming everybody else for FEMA's failures isn't our current "Crash" moment).

I'm sure most of us in the black blogosphere have seen the movie, so I won't wax poetic on the message that the flick relays about race relations in America today. It seems recently there was no other nomenclature other than "Nigga Wake Up Call" for those precious moments that we're reminded that our status as far as civil and human rights are concerned is pretty low on the totem pole by somebody that has a little authority and feels the need to remind us that someone else is in charge.

I know that we all serve a different master and the matter of who's in charge can be debated. I'm sure there will be an email (as usual) as to who actually controls the human condition, but I digress... Paul Mooney save his best verbal lashing for Miss Diva herself (as he called her) Diana Ross. Mooney dug up the drunken driving incident from a couple of years ago where Ms Ross was pretty damn drunk and was stopped by a police officer that stated that "she was incoherent and could not complete a sentence". Mooney (and I quote) said:

"She was so drunk, when the officer opened the door, she just fell out. She said (slurred speech) Do you know who I am? Yeah, you're drunk bitch and you're going to jail"

I laughed. It was funny, somewhat.

Wait, there's more. I didn't know about the cut segment. Diana's ex-husband and Tracee Ellis Ross' father recently passed during a mountain climbing trip. Mooney used an additional 3 minutes to joke about his death as Tracee sat in horror in the front row. She didn't sit there long. Reports have it that Tracee burst into tears and made her way to the back/lobby area because Paul's diatribe was too much for her to bear. To joke about celebrity mishaps is a way of life for a comedian, but to trample the emotions of a guest and nominee of the show by mocking her father's death is totally tasteless.

Now BET did cut the segment and did not air the things Paul said about Tracee's dad, but chose to run the jokes about Diana. Tracee did make her way back to the front row to attend the rest of the taping, and Steve Harvey (host of the show) came out a segment or two later and apologized to her for "jokes done in bad taste". He also complimented her on her strength and her position in black America as far as dealing with her parents issues and still coming out and putting on a good face to represent her show (which was nominated for numerous award categories).

Luckily, there was press backstage chopping game with award winners, and Lee Bailey caught up with Mr. Mooney and got a couple of quotes from Mooney and others:

"How can somebody get arrested for (being under the influence) and go to jail and I be over the top? I think that's over the top, don't you? Agree or disagree, folks. No, comedy is not over the top," Mooney said. "When you are a celebrity and you do crazy stuff, that's the game."

At that point Bailey asked him if thought about the fact that Tracee Ellis Ross was in the room while he delivered his diatribe against her mother.

"I didn't know ... her mama could've been in there, that's not the point. I didn't drive drunk," Mooney shot back. "Now I'm responsible for Diana Ross? If you scrutinize Jay Leno and David Letterman the same way you scrutinize me, then I'll agree with you, but if you don't touch them white folks don't touch me. They say what ever they want to say every night."

Was Paul Mooney wrong?

Was Steve Harvey wrong for apologizing to Tracee? (Some say he was for taking sides)

Was Tracee wrong for bailing out - Coming back?

Why was "nigger" and "motherfucker" used so much by the presenters and performers?

Is BET really "black" entertainment television? I swear, that's the first thing I watched on BET in quite some time. I can't stomach anything else.

Not even 106th and Park.


Oh yeah... Laylah tagged me and now, I regift you with this

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A Reality Blog???

With so many of us in the black blogosphere complaining of blogger's block, boredom and just plain laziness, I decided that I would take a plan of action to rid myself of bloggersblockboredomlazyitis and give y'all a little insight on how I do...

I'm going to let you folks into my home.

Through the marvels of modern technology you'll be riding shotgun witnessing some of my newest exploits. I need a partner in crime to hang out with a brother as I try new things anyway, so who better than you can I trust to provide an additional set of eyes and ears? You'll witness a lot, and will probably learn a thing or two about me (and how I do) in the process.

And I am so very scared.

There are many processes I need to complete to improve myself, and I need a little motivation to make these things happen, so I plan on opening up to the world so I can get called to the carpet to make change happen. I think what I want is to archive my metamorphosis into refinement. I need change to grow, and I have accepted the fact that I must change everything, from the way I live, to what I think and do to what I put into my body in order for me to live better and I want to share that with the rest of y'all.

And I don't know why either.

Should be fun though.

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Who Links Here

Shit, Damn, Motherfucker

R&B Singer D'Angelo Critically Injured In SUV Crash
By Nolan StrongDate: 9/26/2005 11:10 am

Singer D’Angelo was critically injured in a recent Sept. 19 accident in Powhatan County, Virginia. Virginia State Police said D'Angelo, born Michael Eugene Archer, was driving on Route 711 when his 2003 hummer ran off the road, struck a fence and flipped over. D’Angelo was not wearing a seatbelt and was thrown from the vehicle. Police have yet-to-determine who was driving the vehicle when it crashed. A passenger in the SUV, Lynne Sellers, was also injured.
D’Angelo and Sellers were taken to VCU Medical center. As of press time, no further information was available about their medical conditions. Police are still investigating the crash. In April of 2005, D’Angelo pleaded guilty to marijuana possession and driving under the influence of alcohol, stemming from an earlier infraction in Richmond, Virginia. His driver’s license was suspended for a year for the DUI conviction and for an additional six months for the marijuana charge.



Put brother D'Angelo and Sister Lynne on your prayer list.


UPDATE

The singer's attorney and business adviser, L. Londell McMillan, Monday released a statement about D'Angelo.
"D'Angelo is home and doing well. ... His spirit is very positive and he is blessed that the accident was not fatal," said the statement.
Officials at Virginia Commonwealth University Medical Center, where the Grammy-winning artist was flown after the wreck, said the family had asked that his condition not be released.
Another person, Lynne Sellers, also was injured in the wreck. Police couldn't say which of the two had been driving.
The accident occurred in Powhatan County, a bedroom community west of the city. Archer lives in Midlothian, just outside Richmond.
The cause of the crash is under investigation, Barrick said.

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